[Wk2] Feeble Minded vs T Square
 

Checkin in to this Topical again.......................

Sky lights...................

Checkin in to this Topical again.......................

Sky lights...................


__________________

i see the building's sky light, and poke my pistol through
as i watch the moon shine down on me w/ crystal views
drop down like a missle fuse, & begin makin silent havoc
sky lights lights turn on, suddenly its all a violent racket
as i steal the loot, quick w/ out bothering with imagery
thinking of how later some under skylights will mimic me
world spins, it's flipped upside down in the pristine night
the cops chase me on the roof.. and see my pistol fight
its all right, i turn quick and nimble, w/ the least concerns
feast on words, cuz its fine now, heres my reason learn
its treason, burn, u live your life wrong u dont die right
buts its perfect now...seeing the moon under the skylights

Sorry I'm late, work sucks and we all know that as an established fact.......
Now.....

Sky Lights:::

:::The Quick Fix:::
Feelin Cursed It hurts not seein my lovers purse/
On the counter I shower an drown like a flounder/
Ready for suicide no money and debt deeply immersed/
Yet to my dispite my eyes burn from this bright light/
Instead of electric it was an idea that illuminated my head/
Fuck death I'll hit the city that never sleeps instead/
I figure I aint got shit like constipation my brains racein/
Pacin back an forth till I wind up at the train station/
One city slumbers Vegas or NY, hmmm which is it/
I figure I'm "gamblin" either way so I want a Vegas Ticket/
::The Ride/Arrival::
Across the flat plaines with many thoughts in my brain/
I need something in my life something with no pain/
Just a listening ear, strength when weak, unconditional love/
I figure this figure will come to me right after the Cubs/
Then through the door I see the ceiling lights glimmer/
A man with a cross and a book, says his names Minister/
I was offered a chance to walk above the sunlight during twilight/
I might if not for the fright of what possesions I would sacrifice/
Yeah that would be nice, if I had a few, so to get to the skylights what do I do/?
"Attend all my classes and sunday masses I need an assistant, if you dont mind me askin"/
Then the train stops and doors open, I'm hopin to leave the casino's broken/
Still at least thinkin of my words with the priest who left stating/
Gambling and Vegas are both evil and hatefull thiefs/
:::The End of It All:::
The slow motion sets in like stimulation of seditation placin/
Half of my bet, back that Black jack to count money stacks/
Twenty, yeah this my money, this may be it, shit I think I'll split/
Bettin almost all on one game, the two cards that deal are the same/
Six up, sixteen both, now do you want the hit, or does this hand fold/
Tap my fingure on the table, and seeing the smile of a dealt king thats faker than fables/
Bust, oh shit, Our nations motto's in god we trust, so should I pray/
Hit...Oh Shit I got back to twenty, at least I keep half my money/
but Befor I grab my stacks the dealer shouts blackjack and takes it back/
Now nothing could go my way, without a home for eternity or just today/
And that day I stared at the Casino Skylights and glimpsed hells Flame/

::The End::::::::

Sorry its so long, I key these usually, and well, let the voting Begin

i voted on ten battles .
just heloin ya out understatement,, i can see u need the voters...
id vote on all of them but i got shit to do.

^thanks feeble. Just a few notes.
Don't freepost in your battle. Don't sway in your battle.
okay?

Feebs-Your verse was very short. The flow was amazing. Your wordplay was really cool, and the imagery was fucking off the hook, no matter what your line said. I could see each thing happening as I read, and it told a very good story. The plot was thin, and I'm not a fan of that net gankstuh shit, but it was still dope.

T-Square- Your verse did not flow very well. Your rhymes seemed all forced, like you used the first word that rhymed that came to your mind. There was little or no wordplay. The plot was okay, but it wasn't illustrated very well. I liked the City that never sleeps line. Conclusion was cool.

vote-feeble

my favorite line from u feeble, ur verse was pretty decent, liked the begining better then the end, the story of it all wasnt great but the way u wrote most of it grabbed my attention, good work.



favorite line from sqaure, ur verse was inconsistent, some good lines & some really out of place lines also. ur flow was off & u really need to work on evening out ur lines, but not bad. .

My Vote - Feeble

Feeble-short piece, but a lot of very good imagery
good rhyme scheme...everything good...work on length.

T-square-i was just not following anything out of your verse
no rhyme scheme whatsoever,,,mos def need to up that..

vote-Feeble.

T-Square's verse had a good deal of rough edges. I didn't have any problem with the flow through much of it. And considering that he took many more chances and had a more involved subject, AND it was long, is fine by me. Feeble's verse didn't mean a whole lot to me. The imagery is the strength here. Both had a hold on the topic, one was more abstract, but that makes it no less attached. This fantasy-facade gangster doings doesn't make it for me. It verges on battle/bragadocio material. Maybe if this unfolded into a greater depth, it could win, but as is it's a solid technical piece that falls short in a number of ways for myself.

Vote-T Square

Feeble's verse was better skilled than T-quares BUT T-squares was more original. hmm... tough one here...

originality - square
flow - feeble
artistry (paintin a pic) - feeble

AND at times like dude above me said, tsquare seemed forced as hell so...

vote - feeble

Vote - Feeble


Better structured,..short to the point,...was ok , ..
good nuff to beat T-Square....

feeble wins.
t square will be competing in a casket match next week.
[closed]