fallin apart
 

it seems that the whole world is crumblin down to the core~
this shit we cant handle no more cause what is it for~
its softer than gingerbreadmen cooked in the oven~
its starting now to slow down from the spinning rotation into some fake animation~

its all dry and thirsty for life to spring up into the action~
if you do the math get the fractions all mixed to the wrong number~

it crumbles more spring, fall, winter and summer~
the world is all overused and abused and stirred~

where is it and where has it gone~
its gone nowhere to a place that is now imagination~

like we need a creation to start over and come through with sensation~
it has exploded and burnt like a meteor hit~

knocked all the rhymes that were writ into hypocrits~
we have no friction to hold on to it long~

everything is wrong its like we flashed back to when it was pong~
we have no future to look for, we only have past that we cant endure~

we are dirty like a sewer and nothins newer what yall expect~
bring back the good times to resurrect~

yo some one critique this please.

come on i want some feedback please

aight man, i thought ur structure was a little weak, next time ima say try and include some more internal rhymes, and try and not rhyme wit such simple words, so ima say hit up the dictionary and elevate on ur vocab, ur flow seemed to be on for most of the post, ur wordplay was ok, next time try and add more multis, but overall that wasnt a bad post, keep at it man.

peace......

you need some elevationg

improve on your rhyming scheme, and flow and vocab

1

yo vocab could u some work and the wocab was pretty good but u could elevate