bad day
 

Why do we hurt ourselves, decieve ourselves
pain in me is driving me crazy, still hazy from the blunt
i just smoked to relieve da pain, life is no joke
its just one of them days i just wanna sit back and smoke
look at all the good ive done and all the bad ive gotten
my feelings forgotten by everyone i care for
i look to god for guidence, i dont deserve no more
no more hurt deep inside, just wanna hide somewhere
this devil in me cant find da time to destroy me
make her ignore me-what have i done?
to deserve this hatered, these feelings i have are real
its da deal, me and her to da end, but the end is here
and i stand alone-all hope gone-praying to god-what went wrong, take another hit from da bong to relieve this stress
its got me, its a test-will i pass, will i last
only god knows, only god shows us tru love from above
and thats what im looking for- anyone feel me outthere
am i too different too much into my emotions my devotions
to happiness to da goodness of life-its all one fight
one dark night after another-this is my life, now you wonder why i stay high all da time-its to unwind
from these things in me that bring me down
its that sound of hope i keep, sound of faith i seek now i must dissappear from here-bout to go Smoke

deep, gottah respect for that, specially if you being honest wit your words...
on concept it was nothing new... but it wasn't boring...
Wordplay was kinda basic... and the flow could use more work... lengh-wise it was good... not too long, not too short... maybe it's just me, but if you had made it longer, it would have gotten a bit boring....
Keep dropping....

-1-

for a newb,...it was iiht. good wordplay an thoughts i think...keep trying to get imaginary an description an metas an such...keep it up peace

Yeah i agree....this was pretty decent for a newb....it flowed ok, needs some work...you should try to make all your lines around the same length but it was alright...try internals to make the flow better...and some multies...but keep elevating...and keep dropping.

im not a new b by da way
jus a new name

put a lot of thought init, good word play and some good flow, im a newb myself, big up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PEACE

that was pretty good for a newb.....love how much thought u put into it, really shines in the post........ur vocab and wordplay was ok, try and elevate some more.......and ur content and topic was a little played, try and work on that next time......overall not bad...keep at it....

peace........

^^werdness this has a lot of felin and for a newb was mad ill shit dawg so keep postin ur shit and i will respond

fuckin hell im not a new b

n i thopught it waz pretty crappy myself i aint rapped ne thin for months


plz stop fuckin callin me a newb

pretty good for a newb....na just playin kid...:whacky:

anyways flow was ok, maybe could have used a few more multies and ish....vocab wasnt anything great...could use some upping...content wasnt bad...but not nothing great either...overall a decent drop, keep dropping though yo...

also if you get a chance, peep my latest open mic and hit me up with some feedback...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=85644