Self Glorification-Constrictly Critique PLZ
 

this is a lil cypher i did i wrote it quickly just cuz they people before me had just been really wack and effortless anyway read it and tell me wat u think if u liked a certain bar holler about it
thanks peace




yo when i speak, everybody listens/
tryin to find out who it is, herbals dissin/
cuz they know they will eventually, be missin/
found in a river floatin all bloated/
im swordsman morse so withouth the "S"/
finesse? a concept i comprehend less/
so when i battle i put mc's chest, through much stress/
i cant take it easy it just cant be done/
like tryin to c walk after drinkin a gallon of rum/
when i battles i take thats shit deeply/
like a cathator inside me tryin to peep me/
to sum it up i beat u with 20 scores & run it up/
im wild buck while u suck coudn harm me if ya had an armored truck

im swordsman morse so withouth the "S"/
finesse? a concept i comprehend less/

good line but the filler above gave it a lack luster apeal.work on setting your punch.

i cant take it easy it just cant be done/
like tryin to c walk after drinkin a gallon of rum/

not bad ive seen used but not in exact context.....
you need more complexity and punches that are filled with metaphoric terms.
you got structure and you arnt wack.....just need to build.

stay up and elivate twin.

thanks for the critique................
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u got anything to peep drop a link
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this was aight....not too good not too bad...i dont know about that fourth line just chillin right there...coulda set some good shit up but left for waste..vocab a little weak...solid flow...needs some more worplay and shit like that...keep droppin

GameTime...

yeah, thought this was an alright read, it had good flow, but was let down by how basic it was, you need to elevate, use multi's more and expand a bit. show some multis, it makes for a better flow...........overall i thought it was ok......maybe a bit too short for me...but...

.............................peace dawg

i liked it, but it was a tad on the basic side, i would try and use some longer words, but big up for trying, ....................................aight><><><><><><>

ok, not that bad of a drop but it was pretty simple...flow wasnt bad, vocab could use work, maybe could have used some multies too...overall it was ok, keep dropping though....

cant take it easy it just cant be done/
like tryin to c walk after drinkin a gallon of rum/

^prolly what stood out the most to me in the peice...

if you get a chance could you peep my latest open mic...and hit me up with some feedback...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=85644

that was good i guess just tweak it a little
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