I...
 

I can't stand the world, I'm seen wearin' my head-set
Always listened to 2Pac, but I ain't seen "Better Days" yet
Another day another struggle, a teen so misunderstood
These emotions are within, I've yet to see the good
A tear runs down my cheek, I lose more of my soul
For all this to be gone, would mean I've reached my goal
My shadow has abandoned me, it's found a better place
But I aint goin' nowhere, I'm in an enclosed space
I feel as though I'm worthless, is anybody there?
Someone who can help me, who can mend my dispair
I should exit this world, I have nothin' to live for
Too many pressures arise, I can't continue on anymore
If only it would all fade away, maybe then I would be successful
Life's a tug-of-war, and I aint got the strength to pull
A dark cloud over head, I'm in a state of depression
Bein' released from the womb, that's my ultimate regression

ANY FEEDBACK WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED!

Anybody gon' hit this up?

not much I can say, cept.... damn...
your flow was damn good, you had some good vocab,
and some good metties... I was feelin this shit... you
put forth some emo. in this shit... which made it a nice
drop... I'll be checkin your open mics now, so far I like
what I see... kkeep droppin dawgy...
~Ashy~

Thanks for the feedback dogg.

UPPIN....

UPPIN!

Can I get some more feedback on this y'all?

This was dope as hell dogg! If you made this into a longer peice I'd even think it could earn the title of an RB Legend. PROPS on the drop man.

Yeah I'm workin' on lengthening it up right now. Thanks!

QUIT SLEEPIN' ON THIS Y'ALL!!!

Your piece has a flow to it. And you picked a good topic, it was interesting enough to read. I would recommend adding metas and multies and your wordplay will improve as you write more. Stay active and you'll elevate....you show some potential...keep posting them open mics and choose topics you think people will be interested in reading.

the flow was good but the vocab wasnt all that and it was good but i think u could have done better fa real.......keep ya head up and keep droppin to elevate aight..........im just givin straight feedback cuz its what u want......

thought in some ways this was a good verse...it flowed decent enough, but it was a bit basic, reading like a poem........on the whole i thought it was pretty average........but no hatin....peace!