first time writer :S
 

His breath comes out soughly
while depression is killing him softly.
Skin so pale & his clothes are peeling
playing his guitar as an act of healing
no one in his world knows & can tell what he is feeling
wishing his problems were like glass for annealing.
Possibly feeling suicidal, for his problems are tidal
if it continues on he'll become homocidal
to his situations that are idle.
Waiting while playing his music
strumbing each chord on his acoustic.
The truth is, he once was a great musician
who had great ambitions for eminent renditions
Then comes the day of a major audition,
authorities loved his amazing composition
for he was better than all the other competition
to be the best was his mission
until 5 years past, he went to a physician
and was told he was internally in bad condition
which permanently put him in a negative disposition
his illness put him in a infinit intermission
for he was once the worlds geatest musical magician
which the world gives him great recognition.
No he awaits for the grim reaper
as each not is pplayed deeper and deeper
as he strumbs the D chord
the soul sweeper casts him to be forever more an eternal sleeper

*wonders if you wrote this for one of the pics posted* because it fits it well. this piece told a different story in one way but a played story another way, the story of wanting to be seen, wanting to be understood, but you showed it differently so it made it a good read. the only thing im saying is that too me all the rhyming you had over and over seemed to be a little too much.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

Yeah I wrote that piece for that pic of that old man with is guitar :P
Well I was wondering if i was going over board with the rhyming but dahh welll :S
I'm new at this stuff so bare with me :S

rhyming isn't neessary in poetry. of course its welcme but it isn't necessary.. the most important thing to remember is DO NOT RHYME AT THE SACRIFICE OF UR CONTENT!!! that is critical...just write wat u feel, and put it in a creative format and structure, etc...BUT don't feel obligated to do anything tho, because the beauty of poetry is that u are FREE to do whatever the fuck u want...

my words of advice, feel free to follow them or not...i'll be looking out for poems by u
keep writing.

cheers

thanks for the advice man
your lyrics are dope ;)
i've read a couple of them
two thumbs up yo
peace
-Edz-