The World Is Mine
 

Fire burns from my eyes, Like when dragons cry
Like when babies die, like when ladies lie
Its when I sit and sigh, that I wish that I
Was somethin more then a poet sore
For the life I live is a lost one
When I was lost I tried to run
Through an eclipse of dreams, a world of screams, I was lost in things
Now Important
Are the choices I choose, if I am to lose then I will only bruise
Cuz,
Bruises go away but scars they stay, So i stay and spray
To release my fears, to release my tears, to erase my hate and to plan my fate
To decay the hate now I stand irate and I spit my words
They call obserd so I flip a bird
And release my words to the world

For when I release my mind you will read my line
And indulge my rhymes to escape the time
That you feel down and your faces frown
When its time to drown You'll breath again
Now its time to win, and release your sins to the world

The world is yours so take what you can
Hold out your hand cuz the worlds mine
So you can catch my rhyme and injest my lines
To fix your soles and to fill your holes
Your not the only one who has to run
From the things you love and the things you need
For when your lost inside just flow with me
And then you'll see that all ur dreams
Are all my screams and lost realities

-KeMy$t

Give me some feedback thanx

Nice. It has a flow and good wordplay. You've put some thought into this which makes it more interesting to read. Good open mic stay active here and you'll definitely elevate.

Now treat yourself to my open mic lol- Asylum Gates/Dear Omens. thx :)

thanx for the feedback. If you read this please give feedback cuz i really need to know if this is quality or not thanx.

this is a pretty good flow everything was alright. i feel that u could try and get some bigger vocab but other than that this was a nice drop my nigga.

holla

thanx uppin for some more responses

yo somebody write a response on this

To be more thorough to what I previously said I hope this helps fam.

The first part, the only thing that needed improvement is flow and structure. It would flow better with even lines. The top part the lines were too uneven.

The second part, the first two lines rhymed but the last three did not. Since the lines were uneven it threw the flow off. I would change it to either 6 or 8 lines instead of 7. And do a better job of rhyming the words together.

The third part, you had 9 lines which throws your flow off. I would also say just rephrase everything and even the lines out to give it a flow.

Stay active fam. You'll elevate

yo uppin for a response and also hit this up w/ an honest vote

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=86737

vocab minorly laCKED BUT AS A VERSE YOU HAD GREAT ELEMENTS COMBINED TO MAKE THIS A VERY GOOD READ STAY UP FAM

yo im part of ur crew so u need to include me on ur sig bud

i thought this had some good and bad points the flow was off in places and the vocab was a bit basic, but you used some ok wordplay, and i thought the content was good, it kept me reading when the flow goes off, all in all an average drop...in my opinion, keep spittin dawg!

can you check this its the second verse the first is on the first page in 'open'........
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87713