~~Become One with Reality~~Pt. 1 Unfinished very short..replies are needed.
 

i got a story to tell, and its gonna take-some-time, its about tha negativity in people who fake-tha-rhyme, wish i could just erase-ya-mind//

always frontin, smokin blunts-n-drinkin, this bullshit got me thinkin, tired of wakin up high and stinkin, sun in my eyes im blinkin//

so i wipe out tha cold, wish i didnt have to fight for my soul, wish i could just relax and light my bowl, despite my goals, still tryin for diamonds wit coals//

still i stay depressed and stressed, with words im blessed, but i still cant best, my will to overcome tha rest, so i congest from tha ses, nothin less//

this may be a vent, and still i repent, on tha negative messages i sent, underlined italics and bold with dark tints, even w/ u believin it still makes no sense//

sometimes i feel trapped, like my brain just snapped, tha whole world attacks, so i go to purchase a sack, then roll one and relax, contemplate all tha facts.........

sorry this was short it unfinished even though its sort of topicless im still gone write some more shit too it, tell me hat yall think.~1~

definitly bein slept on...was short..i think you could up your vocan and multies try like 16 sylabls a line or something, try and get more imaginary and creativity...make it more indepth and make pople wonna feed off of it..na'mean? good sit though peace

this piece doesnt have as many multis as most of my pieces do, tha vocab was fine, and it was short because well i didnt finish it, i dont do good work when im fallin asleep , thanks for tha replies.~1~

this was a nice simple short piece. nice vocab playa. i was feelin this when u gonna post part 2

my favorite line

sometimes i feel trapped, like my brain just snapped, tha whole world attacks, so i go to purchase a sack, then roll one and relax, contemplate all tha facts.........

uppin^^

uppin for some replies.~1~

this is a nice piece nothin to wow about but short and sweet and to the point

nice vocab and ice creativity and multis.....gotta finish this kid so i can read the rest......

cats need to stop sleepin hit up my open mic called We Tired with Masta C aight return the favor

it is finished check tha second part.~1~

This was ..kinda below avarage...

Had some ok aspects, ...and an ok flow, ...but u need to get rid of the ~~~~~~ blah! that noobie,...and try to get more structure in ur writins, ...keep writin, ...and keep elevatin, ...and ull get their

Hit up, Acceptations...

Pz

uppin^^

yeah, it did seem unfinished but what you had up there wasn't bad, flow was cool like always, pretty good wordplay, and yo I don't really see this as topicless, at least your talkin bout something somewhat narrowed down, struggling, right?, its not like it's just some random stuff that flows nice... I'm feeling that... I don't really see nothing bad about the structure...
worst part about it is that you didn't finish it... it also wasn't much on vocab, but fuck it... anyways, thas it man...

Peace

oh yeah, check out my piece "can't write about it" if you got time, shit's been getting slept on... lol...

aiight thanks for tha replies