Untitled
 

Wrote this in 10-15 minutes in my Electronics class, because we had a little time off .. I thought of the first line, and the rest just came to me ..

Pull out the pen, position paper on the end and I. .
Possess punches that are a pain in the ass like enemas
Often found in cinemas,
Sent from hell, so it's seen it's sins I'm with. .
And arrogance,
Exposing a bigger mouth than kids from Aerosmith
I'm errorless,
Insaney wits, Shakespeare isn't comparable. .
It's terrible,
How my notes can simply rip apart a fucking stereo
But really though,
I constantly rebel against regular rhythm and rhyme. .
Ahead of my time,
The Bull of rap; always holding the Mic in its prime
Upholstering mine,
Deciding dreams and controlling my destiny. .
the rest should be,
Holding a ShopVac before starting a mess with me
Yet cleverly,
Click clack and constantly collapse on boys. .
and be destroyed,
Then show you my instant image like a Polaroid
The tolls enjoyed,
Self employed, I'm known to oversee the rest
Envict with zest,
Because my power runs in the family like incest
I'm the best,
Bastards say they're God, I'll go with sacreligion
My wrath envisions,
That saying clear of me is wiser than my aphorisms ....

Yeah, it was quick, but let me get some feedback anyway ..

Pull out the pen, position paper on the end and I. .
Possess punches that are a pain in the ass like enemas
Often found in cinemas,
Sent from hell, so it's seen it's sins I'm with. .
And arrogance,
Exposing a bigger mouth than kids from Aerosmith
I'm errorless,
^^started off ill nice way with words

Insaney wits, Shakespeare isn't comparable. .
It's terrible,
How my notes can simply rip apart a fucking stereo
But really though,
I constantly rebel against regular rhythm and rhyme. .
Ahead of my time,
The Bull of rap; always holding the Mic in its prime
Upholstering mine,

^^ shit was bangin holmes nuthin really bad to say yet

Deciding dreams and controlling my destiny. .
the rest should be,
Holding a ShopVac before starting a mess with me
Yet cleverly,
Click clack and constantly collapse on boys. .
and be destroyed,
Then show you my instant image like a Polaroid
The tolls enjoyed,

^^nice multis

Self employed, I'm known to oversee the rest
Envict with zest,
Because my power runs in the family like incest
I'm the best,
Bastards say they're God, I'll go with sacreligion
My wrath envisions,
That saying clear of me is wiser than my aphorisms ....

^^^shit had ill wordplay and nice multis


overall this was a nice piece had some real creativity and wordplay...multis was off the meat hook

8.5/10mics

return the favor on my open mic WE TIRED ft MASTA C

^ Aiight no doubt, I'll read your piece right now.

Thanks for the feedback.

Go bump bump bump ..

-Dances with PDiddy-

yo man ill piece, I can't really see anything wrong with it, had really good flow, lotsa multi's, good structure, good wordplay, and vocab was tight, everything was tight man specially for somethin with this quick a read. nice piece man. keep droppin

if u got spare time peep out mine and masta C's collab called "Disguised by Death" and leave us some feedback plz. and thanx in advance. peace.

yo ill verse dude. i really enjoyed reading it, at first i was skeptical bout open mic...and inever checked that section out yet but now im pretty sure there is some tight mcees in here. good to know this site isnt just about battling....

but yeah reallllly good flow everything linked real nice through rhyme and ideas just came along nicely. good vocab and creative rhymin words...shit i haven theard yet. also you got a good pattern in the flow/creative rhyme scheme. nice verse.

The butterfly, nuh uh that's old, let me see the FUCKING REPLIES TO MY OPEN MIC! :rolleyes:

Thank you.