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-   -   Turbulance (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=86788)

Dirty Sally 10-20-03 07:17 PM

Turbulance
 
Everything gets too crazy for me to comprehend
Just when I get straight I'm back off the deep end
Life's turbulance makes me solid when it gets shaky
I feed off the jet lag cause I get dragged alot lately
Ain't no use in screaming amongst all the scheming
Everybody wanting cream & flossing and gleaming
In the realm of hiphop we sacrificed many martyrs
And it's the herbs that pull us down makes it harder
And I may be disregarded as another fly in the web
I'm no weakmind fool whos brain died in the head
Pray my shoulders can take the burden I have shit
I'm a loyal soldier to my crew & a creature of habit
Trying to weave my way around this net like prison
Braced for constant impact of mass head collisions
Most cannot take the turbulance they crash and die
Fat chance I'll fall off don't be a bitch & ask me why
In it for the rocky ride my senses can take the shock
So throw more gas on the fire fueled to make it hot...

Thats Turbulance

WORD~PERFECT 10-21-03 01:14 AM

A NICE READ YOUR TALENT IS DEF ONE OF THE REASONS I LOV3E YOU BABY

WORD~PERFECT 10-21-03 01:15 AM

ALL AND ALLL I GREAT POST GRAPHIC AND SYLISH IN WORD USE AND CONTENT.

Sureal 10-21-03 01:58 AM

^Dont Freepost Gay Shit Like That.

Dev 10-21-03 01:11 PM

i thought it flowed alright and liked your use of vocab, but i didn't like the structure much, it just didn't feel it, other than that i thought it was good,...................peace to ya.....

Da_Legend 10-21-03 01:40 PM

word looks like a free poster

this drop was iiight

structure was good, flow was average, vocab was average, just an average drop (no offense)


few fillers in the verse as well, thats what kinda spoiled it

1
Ain't no use in screaming amongst all the scheming
Everybody wanting cream & flossing and gleaming
^^ okay lines

rhyme scheme was average, nothing too hot

6.8/10

try and elevate more on yer open mics and keep spittin gurl

Dirty Sally 10-21-03 08:27 PM

thanks for the feedback, though it would be nice if surreal added what he thought of my piece. Uppin for more feedback....


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