Stained Passion
 

Feelings Of Passion Now Gone, Split And So Torn..
Affections So Scorned, Levels Of Life Are Transformed..
Thorns Are Soon Born, Love Horns Thus Now Attacked..
Temptation Spills Facts, Purity Drips In Heat Like Wax..
Travel Backs In Search To Find The Juxtaposed Paradise..
Overflowed In Ice, What Was Pure Is Now Frozen..
Susceptably Open, Yet No Longer Walking Objects..
The Ominous Screams, Find Connection Not On Sex..
Confliction Reflects Life, Detecting Our Depiction..
The Friction Of Women, Contrast In Love Fights The Feeling..
Rights Of Yielding Deflect That Related Reflection..
Ignorance To Others, Selfish Sense Takes Heed And Smothers..

now that''s a pretty tight keystyle, tight vocab, tight flow, good use of wordplay, tight structure and a very very good use of vocab. can't really see anything that's really wrong with this piece, good job man keep it up.

if u got the time peep out mine and Masta C's collab called "disguised by death" and leave some feedback plz, thanx in advance.

Cheers Mate..Thanks For The Kind Words..Pz..

thought this was a tight read, the flow was on spot, so was the structure, vocab and rhymin..........it went that well i found myself reading it fast as fuck, in my head...lol....peace!... ... ... ...

Haha Thanx Mate..Appreciate It..Uppin This...Pz...

yeh was alright for a key
good flow and vocab etc..
imagery was better in the first half i thought
but had it been longer may have improved it....although i cant say i was totally drawn in by it
decent nonetheless

I agree the vocab was tight but imagery better in the first half...
after a little bit I didn't really understand what you were trying
to get at. structure was good but without speaking about
something its just a bunch of big words. Overall it was a good
read. Keep writing.

Haha As You Said..You Didn't understand it..if you did..you would realise it is not just a bunch of big words...Its about Relationships and breaking up and the like..the bad shit that goes along with it and all...if there is any certain part you do not understand..drop it and i will tell you the deal..Pz..

Good read.. could an should have been longer... Like the overall peice, but I definatley agree that the first half was deeper than a lil.Kim could take it down her throat. I feel you started off think more bout what you wanted to say then concentrated more on the flow an structure as you got more comtable with your work... V.Nice

Feel Free to comment on my threads;

My creative mind opens minds
Don't feel like Rapping... f*!!k it
Rhyming session
The same in black (posted by Dappa... Remixed by Funn DementaLL)