Painting A Loss
 

as i ride down life's slide & cruise through each twist & turn
i hide the bruises on my wrists from every lesson ive learned
earned the right to choose my fights without getting burned
but latley the sparks' conspire to ignite & move me to be spurned
sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit
soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it
so i take my cluttered mind & clear it.. it fills up again till its swole
strolling through my thoughts are memories, they skip un-controlled
told stories hold past experiences w/ no necessary explanation
why does love loss stay lost when its tossed through each & every occasion
replacement is not an option, facing a fear that the lesson watching
will teach something not willing to be absorbed, then easily forgotten
as a result.. my heart has gotten to be deformed, wretched & rotten
morphed into ice & bone, frozen from the world's cold shoulder
now there is no stopping it like being stoned by boulders droppin
falling through each hour's top as it topples down through the bottom
blocking any chances of joy as passing romances are destroyed
im dancing on an endless void
to music of depression that plays repeatedly as my emotions are toyed
more than annoyed at how the situation seems to be simply drawn
but the picture was blurry w/ the doubt i'd been scribbling on
thought my future was gone, death stole my artist & i kept thinking.. why?
but before she left,
she etched her breath in my dream like the moon's eye

it said:
"Destiny Will Pen Hurt Too, But Don't Cry... The Ink Will Soon Dry"

i framed the image of her smile in my mind... then i said my good bye

Downin

THIS WAS POWERFUL AND IM PISSED IT GOT SLEPT ON TO MUCH MEANING TO FADE OUT SO IM UPPIN THIS FOR YOU TWIN

sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit
soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it

Sick... that's all I have to say... loved this piece...

this was nice..

your multis in this piece kinda used some work..also tha flow suffered a bit..

but tha vocab was well used..metas was good..


eh solid piece i guess

good shit

1

Thanks for the reply's ... except Nomad, its obvious you have no
idea what you are talking about... peace

Evolve my good man.... you never seem to cease to amaze me... flow was crazy, internals were dope... deep piece... I flow out loud everything I read on here and I was vibing on this verse from beginning to end...

My Fav. Part:


Damn.... you're still the only one of RB to actually beat me.. Fag!

I really liked this piece BUT..... I think it could have been brought
out better, meaning.... some parts rambled on a little bit... some
lines didn't really fit, they were longer than others so when I read
it , it came out not how I think that you said it in your mind.

Apprecitated....

& Meta.. nothing but respect fam

as i ride down life's slide & cruise through each twist & turn
i hide the bruises on my wrists from every lesson ive learned
Tight flow..reads crazy smooth..deep lines aswell..feelin this
earned the right to choose my fights without getting burned
but latley the sparks' conspire to ignite & move me to be spurned
Yeh feelin this 2..nice rhyme pattern..makes it read smooth
sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit
soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it
Feelin the 2nd line..tight shit..deeep
so i take my cluttered mind & clear it.. it fills up again till its swole
strolling through my thoughts are memories, they skip un-controlled
Ya good at expersin shit..feelin this again..flows on point..rhymes nice..on topic
told stories hold past experiences w/ no necessary explanation
why does love loss stay lost when its tossed through each & every occasion
2nd line reads real nice..1st's tight..feelin it
replacement is not an option, facing a fear that the lesson watching
will teach something not willing to be absorbed, then easily forgotten
kinda off topic..stil tight shit..nice scheme n ish
as a result.. my heart has gotten to be deformed, wretched & rotten
morphed into ice & bone, frozen from the world's cold shoulder
ice n bone shit is tight feelin tht line
now there is no stopping it like being stoned by boulders droppin
falling through each hour's top as it topples down through the bottom
yeh tight again..lol..ya got talent
blocking any chances of joy as passing romances are destroyed
im dancing on an endless void
2nd line cudda been longer..feelin y u did it liek tht tho
to music of depression that plays repeatedly as my emotions are toyed
more than annoyed at how the situation seems to be simply drawn
didnt rhyme at the end rhymed inbetween tho..tight shit
but the picture was blurry w/ the doubt i'd been scribbling on
thought my future was gone, death stole my artist & i kept thinking.. why?
yeh nice
but before she left,
she etched her breath in my dream like the moon's eye
aint feelin the end to much the weakest part..reads liek u wanted to get it over wit

this is tight shit..deep n meaninfull..tight rhymes vocab all tht ish..props well ernt..ya got talent

Keep droppin

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87141

^^

me vs Token

its 1-1

damn this was a tight ass drop, fo real yo


nice ass shit yo, those were my fav lines

Damn E ... This piece was dope as shit ... Nice topic ... Got it across very well ... Good structure and all of that ...


why does love loss stay lost when its tossed through each & every occasion
replacement is not an option, facing a fear that the lesson watching
will teach something not willing to be absorbed, then easily forgotten
as a result.. my heart has gotten to be deformed, wretched & rotten
morphed into ice & bone, frozen from the world's cold shoulder


That was my favorite part in this piece ... I thought it was put 2gether perfect ... Deep too ... I really liked it a lot ...


sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit
soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it


Those two lines were really dope there too ...

Nice to see you comin' dope as always man ... Keep doin' your thing ... Peace

Appreciate all that replied... Respect Mentill

beautifull use of words dog

u shud put that one up on poetic scriptures as well

a one word summary of it: ILL

peace keep droppin yo

Appreciated....