Bloodied Dreams (sleepless nights)
 

Verse #1:
everyday, it’s just all tha same, asleep in my own awaking shame/
soon to turn insane, rippin at my hair, tryin to tear out ma brain/
I just can’t handle the shit, same everyday shit, cuz it’s just all tha same shit/
which is pissed, when I try to kiss the side of my own fist, when I hit this bitch/
then at night, I try to survive those sleepless fights, and the dreams that cut like ice/
scar like tissue on the brink of drivin in this knife/
down to the heart, the sharpness of when light slips to dark/
like christ crucified, and ripped apart, their’s no end to something that didn’t start/
but here I am, with which a black jack hand/
this shit dealt with class, like some kind of master plan/

Chorus:
bloodied dreams, and these sleepless nights/
no way in, and no way out without a fight/
come like jesus, shrouded in a black cloak/
turn grim reapa, and watch u explode/
so filled with screams when I sleep/
these dreams keep gettin to me, soon to see me sinkin 6 feet/
believe or not, but foreshadow death till time stops on mark/
so I just sit and wait to spark, till that sign of death, begins life long rest/

Verse #2:
casino hits, and beer bong hits, from the pipe from where I smoke da shit/
just try to get rid of this feeling of instant depression to bring my life to rest/
ain’t got no time, for that thin red line, I keep seein everytime I close my eyes/
death disguised, but bein blind to the ways of life, don’t help much in the book of rights/
but my morals have gone to shit, washed away when my life flushed out through my chest/
and now with every moment I await my death, but it can’t catch me yet/
but so many times, over every time I lay awake my mind/
I see myself bein burned alive, binded by the stake I feel so fine/
so blind, that it’s almost a crime, and I don’t give a damn about the pain I suffice!/
Cuz I dream bloodied, through these sleepless nights/

Chorus:
bloodied dreams, and these sleepless nights/
no way in, and no way out without a fight/
come like jesus, shrouded in a black cloak/
turn grim reapa, and watch u explode/
so filled with screams when I sleep/
these dreams keep gettin to me, soon to see me sinkin 6 feet/
believe or not, but foreshadow death till time stops on mark/
so I just sit and wait to spark, till that sign of death, begins life long rest/

Verse #3:
the last chance to perform a dance, but this time I get stuck with 50 knives/
50 times, the pain through this bludgeoned mind, where dreams are no longer nice/
just filled with street brawls, and wacked out gang fights/
with shots fired, everyday a shocked liar, everyday the pain a lot higher/
like a welcome to all the hot buyers, who pay the biggest price/
think they can buy off with everything without a fight/
but plz tell me what happens, when a thug comes clappin/
with 2 gatts and stick bitches like that up?!/
Cuz nobody gives a fuck, cuz everyone gets a little bit of bad luck/
but maybe that’s the reason, these twisted dreamers strip away from me/
blindly feelin free, to murder up on this scene, cuz of these bloodied dreams/
are u fuckin ppl feelin me!? With what I got flowin through my beliefs!/
the reasons why I can’t sleep, in peace with the heat I keep, the reasons I speak deep/
I think not, cuz not half of u rich fucks can grasp the concept of livin rough/
that’s why it’s been givin tough, thug life been livin with stealin stuff/
but that’s it, I quit, cuz no matter how much sense I gotta spit/
none of this shit, will make bitches know what it’s like to live in a ditch/

Chorus:
bloodied dreams, and these sleepless nights/
no way in, and no way out without a fight/
come like jesus, shrouded in a black cloak/
turn grim reapa, and watch u explode/
so filled with screams when I sleep/
these dreams keep gettin to me, soon to see me sinkin 6 feet/
believe or not, but foreshadow death till time stops on mark/
so I just sit and wait to spark, till that sign of death, begins life long rest/

aigh't peeps check this piece out and leave me some feedback muchly appreciated and thanx in advance.

this wasn't bad but the repeating of shit from verse 1 to opener on verse 2 wasnt well thought...seperating bars and rhyming them with same word isnt to good on written text.
your emotions was obvious and that really ampolified this and took attention away from the flaws.
verse 3 cam nicely and again the emotion and wordplay was there.
you just lacked style in this it seams like you were unsure of yourself............be creative not just in topic but in delivery and wordusage......
you have great potential and a poets mind i see good things coming if you can just adjust and believe more in yourself.

uppin this for some more feedback ppl............................................... ..................................... thanx in advance.

oh and word perfect thatnx for the advice I'll keep that in mind but the reason why I was like rhymin with the same words was just cuz I was juss tryin somethin different just a different approach to see how it'd play out but thanx anyways muchly appreciated.

This was a alright piece....it flowed pretty well through out the piece as i read through it...your vocab was pretty good in it...Your chorus was alright...i liked the way you opened up verse 1...and your wordplay was used pretty good...your topic was good i thought...Overall it was alright...keep at it...and keep dropping.