[Wk3] Fgee vs Calda Merda
 

chek in
whats the topic?

^ you pick your own topic from the list.

Topic : In Front Of You

Topic- Empty Casket

I couldn’t help feeling afraid but it was faster this way
Past the lake and rumoured haunted house ahead
Eerie silence broken by steps stopped me dead
Ears strained but were met by crooked trees twisted knots
I continued on, urgency willed my feet to a trot
Meaningless whispers evolved into a plethora of horror
I began to swallow that frog in my throat but a toad followed
Time seemed borrowed I saw dusk put his sun to sleep
Onwards along paths street I sweated from 'the creeps'
Past an oaks exposed feet..Thud!roots hands had grabbed my sole
I scrambled up shaken and cold stumbled on as light turned to coal
Sudden dark arose but I spotted a faint light further along
With nights shades on, vision diminished into the developing myst
As if the heavens had come adrift I waded thru grounded clouds midst
I rounded the paths twist and made out a houses silhouette,

Every shadow held a secret and wouldn’t let go
Leaves swirled like ghosts and whispered from winds throat
Smashed windows jagged souls told of serated pane
Trees boughed bare branches away rooted to evils spade

In a clearing of past regrets that light seemed to chill my breath
I was flooded with a feeling of unrest but I couldn’t leave
The shiver down my spine agreed my heart skipped a beat…or three
Even common sense tried to plead but the rare nonsense overcame it
Rendered blameless I sauntered towards the grey rundown place
Thru the grating gate I saw the light in the door…..illuminating a face!
I screamed but words failed to formulate the light moved so near
At first blinded it became clear…a young girl shrouded in a gown
Innocently smiling she danced around deathly pale without a sound
The candle in her hand burnt out and she motioned to follow
Her haunting eyes drowned in sorrow I was compelled to obey
Transfixed by her ways I trailed round to the garden of fate
Continued towards what appeared a grave I saw a mound of fresh earth
A blank tombstone emerged she pointed at the shovel which lurked
I reached down to the wet turf and grabbed it by the rusty handle
Standing back up i felt icy cold hands strangle my breathing scrambled
She faced me gown entangled her face smeared in bloody wounds
Hollowed eyes sockets loomed rottten flesh of doom
Her skin peeled back removed to expose blackened bones
She shrieked and groaned from a mouth still closed
'you shall die!' she sneered in demonic tones
I tried to pry her grasp but she merely laughed and grabbed tighter
She pushed I couldn’t fight her…..
I felt my body fall by gravities lawful force on loose dirt
I fell into a pit with wooden skirts …she appeared overhead like a curse
'Take my place in hell u bastard!' the lid shut and fastened
I scrabbled but life couldnt pass this, my body the victim of an empty casket

And I switched off the TV and began to write a story entitled 'Empty Casket'

In Front Of You

Finding Friendship.. Ages 6-12

She Lived Next Door, Played In My Yard -
Distance Was Hard But I Said "Hi" From Afar -
Her Golden Locks Gleamed Off The Sun's Glare -
Caught In Her Stare Before I Was Prepared -
We Spent The Day.. Having Childish Fun -
A Child To Sum, But Her Smile Had Won -
She Looked Into My Eyes..Inside Of Them -
Her Heart Inside.. "Will You Be My Friend?" -

Binding Thoughts.. Ages 15-19

She Could Reach My Dreams To Say The Least -
Teach Beliefs To Cease.. Yet Could Never Compete -
I Was Her Confessional, A Problem Resolution -
Never Minded To Do It, Friendship Proven -
I Would Watch Her Grow Through My Bedroom View -
Together As Two, Confused In Their Youth -
Guys Offered Her Dates Frequently -
Seemingly, She Liked A Guy, Which Was The Least For Me -
He Was Older, A Senior, Money And Car -
"Do What You Wish" Just Stand For Who You Are -
Always Asked Me My Thoughts About Her Decisions -
Wasn't Popular, But At Least Felt The Right In Livin -
We Grew Distant, For Other Plans She Had -
Thought Back.. As It Was Fun While I Had The Chance -

Distant Yet Never Forgotten.. Ages 20-???

She Moved Not To Long After She Dropped Out -
With Doubt, Got Married To The Same Guy She Talked About -
I Was Happy But I Wasn't, Angered N' Resented -
Tormented, By A Life Rejected, Hate Words Implemented -
She Never Called, Never Asked For My Opinions -
Stopped Askin Me My Thoughts On Her Decisions -
So Distant, I Think To This Day She Forgot Who I Was -
Who She Loved, Where The Relationship Went In Us -
I Mention Because, She Shown To Me Once More -
Golden Locks, Crusted N' Poor In The Entrance Of My Door -
She Couldn't Stay Long.. Or So She Would Plead -
"Breathe, What Do You Need?" Calmed By My Heart's Beat -
"He's Abusive, I'm Pregnant, What Is Their For Me To Do?" -
Be You, Dont Be Screw'd By A Man Tryin To Use Me Against You -
Dont Go Back, Go Somewhere Where You Know Its Safe -
A Place Based On The Sparkle Of The Tear Of Your Face -

She Left, Hugged Me.. And Cried -
Why Did I Not Feel She Was Going To Hide? -

I Found Her Picture.. She Was Murdered That Night -
Died, For Trying To Tell That Man What She Thought Was Right -
So Much Pain.. Why Couldn't She See All Of My Love For Her? -
Instead Of Looking, She Should Have Had What Was Right In Front Of Her -

Earning my keep by doing my voting...

Very interesting battle here.

Two very diverse styles and topics.

Props ta both.

Fgee

Long ass read, but ya kept it pretty entertaining.
Nonetheless, this was more of a horror story than a rap.
A good one, no doubt, I just thought your rhyme scheme was really off in places.
That hurt ya flow alot.
Nice complexity, good vocab utilized.
Spooky little ending, but I could joke around and say, "I'd bodyslam a ghost bitch!"...
Kinda was left with that sort of impression.
Could be serious/could be jokey.
Overall: 6/10

Calda Merda

This was a damn good format and read.
Nothin jokey about it.
Full force with emotion, loss, pain, and wonder.
And the flow was borderline sick...
I never missed a beat reading it.
The ending was a bit predictable though...
I knew as soon as I saw the "he beats me" line, that this chick was a goner.
One question...if ya loved her, why didn't you tell her so and have her stay with you?
Great closer...
This was a very ill piece.
Vocab, complexity, everything was off the hook.
Overall: 8/10

My vote obviously goes to Calda Merda

ur a fucking herb...
let the voting continue

[Fgee]
It was a little long, but it kept me in suspense all the way thorugh. You described the scenery, the emotion in a way thats not seen much around here. You kept me wanting to read on and on, even when my eyes were watering from not blinking..lol.
You had killa vocab in here, lucky SS is mostly mature people cos alotta kids wouldn't understand much fo it. Your story telling aspects really came through here, your like the Immortal Technique of Rb..lol.
LOved the ending, really left me with an impression and a afterthough, which to be honest not many pieces do...Dope.
Overall 4/5

[Calda Merda]
Holy shit, the way your presented and the way your portrayed this was beyond dope. As i said with Fgee's. this piece did keep me looking on, i genuwinly did want to know what happened to her.
Your vocab and your use of expressive words here was beyond expression, you made me get intouch with the characters, and even start to build a picture of thier life.
Only thing that let you down was your first 2 verse's, even though they were brutal, i felt they were a little weak compared to Fgee, but you 3rd verse was tight. It would've tooken all, if your first 2 had been a little better, but still.
Overall 3/5

Vote Fgee

Incredably close battle, nyce show by both, good rhymes scheme, nyce vocab by fgee, good multis by calda Merda,

Fgee- Rhyme Scheme: 7, Flow: 9, Story: 8.5, Total: 24.5
Calda Merda- Rhyme Scheme: 8, Flow: 8, Story: 8, Total: 24

Calda merda map props for comin hard and solid, but Fgee my vote goes to ya, you edged it out, no hard feelins....may tha best man win, stay real, peace, 1

fgee came nice but I feel that calda had a better written story. Better plot n everything. Although I would say fgee had the better skilled verse. Hmmm.... I gotta say that I think calda wins because I just overall felt his more.

vote - calda

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