The Music
 

I'm gunna behead you if you dont live this music
Listen to the beat move ye body an step to it
Feelin the words an imaginen my destiny
In my mind leanin back cause the musics me

World, if you aint scared to dream then check this out
Im goin all out, tellin everybody wut im all about
When im haven a hazerdous time and cant breath
I turn my headphones high close my eyes an relieve
My thoughts onto paper wit this pencil an eraser
Conecting my thoughts better then'a school stappler
The flows my blood so it majesticly destingishes myself
I'd probaly be dead but the music help save my health
Inpulse is beat, bump bump, its my heart gettin laced
Dictionary mind intwined an stitched in my brain space
Conected like a thug wit his s-l-u-t-s ya feel me?
You ever feel powerful just blazen on ya cd?
Capable of doing anything you set your mind to
When you flip your faverite track an pull through
Grippin yo hands together sayin im stronger then this...
If it wasn't for the commercial artists wud you still exist?
Or be caught in the crossroads in fronna a moven train
Claimen its thunderin in ya world an you cant exscape the pain
God you blame, beliven you over but wen you spit soldier
U give a breath of relief from da vanishing boulder on ya shoulder
When you feel lifes'a joke..turn ya cd high...you'll see its not over

Wake up in the moring dont go for breakfast i snatch my stero
To feel blessed as if i was on stage rappen wit tu pac an biggie
This aint a joke im not clownen, its the truth
It's in th cd its a magical power it helps raise the youth
I was an only begotton son mom an father didnt support me
But because of that silver bottomed cd the words made me c
Everybody has a whirlpool of thoughts an they is spinnin
Cutten lose on your purposal of'a pad gotchu sinnin
You've been in love wit the beat since the beginning
So the story goes you found love you really winning
Reabilated souls from the gravitational pull of rythem
Crusafie me for declaring my thoughts to the heavons
To the lost arc rappers hopin they cud support my career
Givin us emcces a reason explain our thoughts an tears
Tramendious thoughts from every spetacular person
Creating images in my mind of rap haters execution
So listen pay attention an just relax through a rap track
Day dream bout the beauty an as if biggie an pac was back
On stage an you was wit em, an you tell me this man
Wud you see between my lines and finally understand?
If you liven in hell but you lust for the heavons above
Heard a savier song wud you realize you do have love
Cause everything normal but musics above average
It gives me a wedding ring hell you can call it marrage

Its my reason for praying an beliving i can make it out'a this deep pit
A roll model a inpirational way of words to help belive dreams exist

rhymes - very basic
metaphor - there was some nice ones
wordplay - pretty weak... u gotta work on this
punchlines - werent really necessary in this drop
overall thisa verse iight stays on topic, but u definetly need to
improve ya skills big time

Heres some tips

Punchlines -1. your a wack kid that thinks he's sick but he has wack-spits,
even if u was an acrobat witta trampolene u still couldnt do back-flips,

WordPlay- you tryin to impress me and im not even pleased,
you think you 'ILL' i say u gotta disease,

Multi's - just two consecutive rhymes EXAMPLE

Ill~Lines to Kill~Minds, Im battlin the wackest i Still~Find,

Sick~Flows, like blood comin from a Ripped~Nose,
Youd be a female witta button up suit and still couldnt Strip~
Clothes,


Hopefully this shit helps u out a little bit bro..
keep droppin.
peace

wow...lol....thanks for in the input..but this was ment to be a basic piece...read the title...the subject is all abnout releaing a state of mind that people go in...but never really talk about cause they think there losers...but all in all good input an thansk for theadvie i'll be sure to use it..peace

uppen

uppen for tha 3rd time...feedback wud be apreciative

LIKE PROV. SAID ITS A BASIC PIECE, BUT I LIKE THE FLOW IN THIS, AND I LIKE MESSAGE IN IT, OVERALL A NICE PIECE NIGGA,NOTIN CLASHS IN IT, KEEP DOIN UR THING NIGGA.
PEACE

thanks man uppin

man nobodys respondin to my shit either.

if you can could you go to this, and tell me what you thin, peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87854

Simple piece but the creativity makes it nice. You touched on some nice points and the flow is there. The first part contains some ill vocab and wordplay and you flipped styles with the second part which is more floetic. Nice drop stay active and thank you for the nomination.

no problem..you had a good piece it was well worth it

simple and sweet. The flow is pretty good, i liked the first part better, a little more word play. All in all pretty good.

thanks for the critiques and respones.. layts...uppen