things to come (verse one)
 

im not going to post the whole thing in one thread in one day cause i know people
wont read all of it if its to long. so ill posts the other verses later. and it will also help me
to be active in here


your witnessing the speech of an elite street poet
devoted to show this life the only way i know it
i expose shit so you get a lesson through words
diverse the way my pen speaks so knowledge gets surved
lifes the berth of a child born innocent with sin
just a hypocrite death is were my saga begins
as the world spins i catch a quick glimpse of my omens
knowing what behind a door before it ever opens
i stay focused on my goals as the future grows near
i see eyes of a wise man as i look in a mirror
then they disappear a vision of things to expect
im the one that dictates every word you neglect
but soon you'll respect and hear the words that i teach
my speech is real regardless of what you believe
it isn’t hard to conceive i transcend through time
then return to narrate things to be in my life

^ that was just to introduce my self to the song, then next two verses are going to be
visions of things i see, its going to be dope.

PLEASE LEAVE HONEST FEEDBACK! IF YOU DONT LIKE IT TELL
ME THE TRUTH CAUSE THATS THE ONLY WAY ILL GET BETTER, I DONT
WANT NO DICK RIDING BULLSHIT. IF I GET SOME GAY SHIT FOR REPLYS IM
DONE WITH OPEN MIC ILL GO BACK TO FULL-TIME FREEPOSTER

I've never seen your pieces before but I liked this one. .The schme was solid & the switch up near the end added enregy & made the flow of the piece more interesting. .The rhymes were a bit simple. .Maybe more multis. .Or maybe I didn't see them : / . . The content was good & I was feeling what you ws saying. .No quatable line. .B'cos all were the same but good. .Props

Reply to either one fo my pieces with some truthful & detailed fededback. .Guess you prolly would. .Good job bruv

only the second piece ive seen u do
it was simple but i liked the scheme seemed to flow really well
as an intro it was solid
^like po sed (fuck fuck fuck the police!) a bit more complexity would help improve it
really liked the way the opener was structured and the lines...good shit
use of multies varying vocab imagery etc all spice up a verse and make it interesting to the reader so try to add them into your next pieces
good stuff none the less
and peep State of Paranoia for examples ;)

^ thank you, ill return the favor to both of you.

fgee i understand what your saying, but i dont use alot of imagery cause it makes it seem like a poem then a song and i dont write to do text online i write so i could see if people like it so i could record it later and maybe put it on a CD one day. but i apreciate the reply, you said what you feel and i respect that.

this was a nice piece. your flow was nice i was feelin it. your vocab was decent as well. good drop


when u droppin verse 2???

holla

YO, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING OF YOURS BEFORE BUT THIS IS A NICE PIECE, THE FLOWS GOOD, AND NOTIN REALY CLASHS, OVERALL NICE PIECE NIGGA, LOOKIN FORWARD TO VERSE 2.

IF YOU CAN CHECK OUT WE'AR HEAR-FT- WORD~PERFECT
PEACE

Re: things to come (verse one)
 

As you stated at the end of this, this was an "introduction piece." With that being said, there isn't much to critique, I s'pose. Word choice & vocab were in perfect proportion with the content and purpose of this piece. Obviously, there isn't much of an opportunity to leave your audience awe-stricken with singular lines in a self-glorification, but there was one particular set of lines that stood out to me.

El Oh El - that would be dope accolade to possess, eh? Drop some more pieces whilst working on overall degree of difficulty. . G'luck.