let this life get better im drowning in some hen....
 

this pain is imbedded in my heart,
i try to maintain but its shreading me apart,
i look up in the sky and ask god to take me,
why you messing with this girl that dates me,
she didnt do anything take my soul
i was the one that did dirt and smoked a bowl
she was a perfect angel she coulnt hurt anyone,
she is so sick and we barly had time for anyfun,
it seems to me you hate us all i believe thi as i look at her
my precious bella angello's means alot more than this world
now it seems she's headed for the afterlife,
please god take me i dont want to live after her life
is taken away i love this girl with all my heart
forsakeing i pull out the ak i dont want to restart
the dirt i did im sorry for god believe me
you take her away from me i believe u decieved me
she doesnt deserve this god give me a sign
please take away her pain she's only 17 and dieing
i cant take this pain its tearing me to peices
its even shreadding tears deep inside where the beast lives
but i pray to the heavens above let her live
because i need her while im living in this sin
believe this bad to good,back to bad thats how it ended up,
got out the hood andthats y i dont give a fuck

....hurts to much shit another day.....praying to god,,,,

this was an ok piece. it flowed very well and your topic was pretty tight..........but u need to use some better vocab. nice piece though playa.


holla

uppin

That was a simple piece slip. Too simple. You can elevate and drop better open mics if you throw in some clever wordplay, metas and multies. Then your pieces would be more interesting to read. But you put some heart in this piece and the flow is there. Stay active and keep dropping open mics that's how you'll elevate.