I'd Take Your Place
 

Neglected Unprotected Wasn't Expected Heart Pumpin Was Rejected
Sympathetic Am I Pathetic? For Letting Us Become Dislected Images Aneraxic
Sanity From Loss Of Humanity Creating Rages Of Pure Anziety I Miss My Baby
I Did Not Take Care Of You Properly So As I Speak Your Admiring An Odtopsie
Blood Runs Cold Gun Cartridge Reloads My Prayers Tend To Explode
Am I A Probe? Believing You Wouldn't Ever Retreat The Souls Of The Globe
Heavenly Angels Watch My Girl! For You Stole Her From The Entire World
Disapeared I'm Caught In Fear Made Others Amune To Tears I Miss You Here
Made Our Life Style Like A Sonna Misty Can't Adapt Our Vision Became Unclear
We Will Re-aquant In The Skyz For Now Your Death Left Me Paralized
It Opened Up The Devils Discuize He Revealed His Eyes In Your Demies
Until The Rain Stops Thundering Towards The Living, I Will Remain Shivering
From Thoughts Of Your Blood Leaking In A State Of False Undesired Believing
That Your Still Breathing But I No For A Fact Your In Heavon Watching And Wondering
Even Though It Is A Steep Cliff Of Hate Revolting Exscarpment of Fate
Sinz For Your Lifes State Thus The Lord Taking You Was Mortally A Mistake
Hear My Prayers So We Can Still Communicate Ask Questions Dont Hesitate
The Lord I Forbid To Evaperate Any Little Kid Or Person For his Fasle Chosen Rate
RULES After Him For The Life He Replaced One Day We Wont Have To Seperate
Lord Do This Properly Cruzify My Body, Let Her Breath, Let Me Bleed An Re-incarnate For My Familys Sake


^^...just a peice i wrote last night about a family member who passed away...feedback would be very apreciated...thank you

Uppen for some feed back

yo man sry bout your loss, thispiece was veary deep ,heart felt, flow was good,vocab was average, but this was overall a great piece(deep), again sry fo your loss.
PEACE

was no loss man...just some emotions that had to be let out..lol...thanks..uppen

can i get some feed back like ddaammnn

Yeah this was a pretty good piece...it flowed pretty well together i thought, little sketchy at some points but still good....your vocab was good, nothing wrong there...i felt the meaning of this piece....your structure was good too i thought....overall this was a good piece...keep at it....and keep dropping.

very nice piece.............it really had some nice emotion in it............this had some nice vocab and a very good rhyme scheme. big ups.............sorry bout your family member..........


holla

Damn, sshhiitt, uuppeenn