go to sleep (my own verse to m&m's song)
 

you wanna go, but i say no. then u say,"yo, now i'm losin hope."
that's when u know that i'm gonna go-
outta control, an' cut yer throat
then u start to moap, so i take the soap,
shove it down yer throat, make ya choke, an' toss you into my boat, then i make it home an' throw you into a hole-
and after that, that's when u're known- to stay where tha hell yer thrown, an' be all alone, untill i'm gone,
into tha night, while yer thinkin I've
got no right, here to take yer life-
yer boys are kind, but they don't abide-
by the rules different schools try-
and don't apply their simplistic minds
they're so siblime, when they try to rhyme-
they hear your lines, but they steal mine
I feel fine, but i need some time-
to re-wind, and to de-cide
what to do, if u weren't alive
if you'd a died when u tried to fly
offa that SKYscraper in the sky
and u said bye to the ppl who
wished that they could say bye to you
and you knew i wuz gonna do
evryTHING that i tried to do
i lied to u, but confide in u
evry time that i write of u
i gotta choice; gotta make it soon-
and gotta voice my opinion, too-
i got a pis-tol, and i choose
not tah shoot you, but to use
mah fuckin miss-le, an' make a BOOM
and make sure yer brains leave tha room!

i was angry when i wrote this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

but anywayz, go head n give some feedback ... i'd really apreciate it.
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I love it. The words relfect the fact that your were angry and as I was readin this I had the music to 'go to sleep' in my head and every word fitted. I cant think of how you could of made it better so 10/10. Well done.....check out my piece 'Mom I'm sorry'

hmm....
Alright..
Your vocab was low, but seein how you were just lettin stress go, thats fine. Your flow was actually really good, i followed it very well. I dunno if i enjoyed reading this or not, haha, i guess i'd have to be in a bad mood to really enjoy this. I've heard the song, and you go along with it pretty good. Just up your vocab and you'll be allset.

Overall- 8/10

uppin for replies!
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ok vocab needs inprovement but flow wus on its a hard song to do it to juss overall nice piece this wus good job 8/10