Unleashed
 

like a dead man standing in his grave/
im a animal escaped from its cage/
thoughts inspired/
by ink dripping from a page/
think and im sinking through your brain/
im from the streets/
consider me a slave/
my verball instinct/
turned me to blaze/
my folks tell me/
im playing im just going through a phaze/
na'll actually/
im going through thangz/
trapped in a maze/
the bloods black/
that flows through these vienz/
let the signal flash/
when u choosing the lane/
let the guns blast/
when u loosing the game/
miss and u aim/
thats backwards/

can i get some feedback from this small piece holla back-"ONE"

it didn't read too good, it felt like there was a pause at the end of each line, bad structure, also it seemed like you were rhyming too many words for the amount in each line and you need to make it more complex, pick a good subject you can relate to and that others can relate to.....peace

It was pretty good but you could improve alot of the things you said didn't make much sense. But it was straight

you still need to elevate. Extend your bar legnth. For example, the way mine were in my piece Survival Of The Fittest. That will give the flow. You do not want a choppy style like the one you have now. Keep writing and elevating and you will succeed

good looking out peeps keep feedin'-"ONE"