No Love
 

Haven't been able to drop for awhile real life shits been crazy anyways i did a quick song (it flows perfect with the instrumental i was listening to), didnt have time to "screw with teh structure" as you would put it, its jus how i rap i use pauses to my advantage and it sounds good now if only i could get my mic back up and workin.. anyways here it is.. hook might need some touchin up.. but it works....

No love, No love, No love, No love, No love!!

mo slugs in the chamber
your lifes in danger
No need to explain your situation
Facing you has often been a temptation
gloves off, guns up
cock back pop a hollow point through your back
no, wait, stay in control of this
use your mind, not your fists
patience, patience
thats all the advice I got from my therapist
She told me its all in my mind, stupid bitch
well if so many things are fucked up at a time
Mabye I should forget this rhyme and throw down for a dime
but don't you see, lately fates been against me
been misused, abused, and thrown into a tube
fightin for a new way to make a buck
stuck in a nightmare and all outta luck
fucked up and fiendin for what could be rat poison
but its what ive been dealin, and i wont go as low to stealin
feelin hurt but my body been dealt a curse
been havin dreams of me leavin in a hearse
crooked ties and no good lies will probably lead to my demise
cries from a crooked mother as her son gets killed by another

No love, No love, No love, No love, No love!!

I remember back in the old days
before I learned to pick up a guage
father never cared for me
he was never there for me
but where was she? when I cried for help
my father drunk, and me a little whelp
I aint mad atcha, no worries
cause all that are left are blurries
faded images of abuse
mabye its why im not quick to say truce
and usually end up drawin for my duece duece

No love, No love, No love, No love, No love!!

Been fucked by friends in the past
So I say fuck em all and keep my eyes on my cash
flashback to when my first real friend turned snitch
bitch told everyone I was dealin and smokin, now hes in a ditch
So I dont keep anyone close, call me a coward
but for now i know, that i hold the power
like a flower on a bud late to bloom
if its kept in the darkness its bud will boom
so lets assume, I am the flower and now your only choice is to cower
[Gun cracks] (POP POP POP)
[fade hook]
No love, No love, No love, No love, No love!!

It was straight i feel ya anger in it. Im not saying it was like one of the illest i ever heard but it was coo.

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uppin for feedback!

Ok this was alright....your lines should be around the same length to help the structure of it, try to work on that....flow was alright could be better...your vocab was ok, should be up'd a little....your structure needs some work....try adding some multies and internals to help th flow...but it was a Ok piece....keep at it....and keep dropping.

word to doc dizzie, nice piece good vocab and shit, keep droppin...

nice spittin i felt it str8 up,kinda felt like i was inside it for a few mins.anyways keep doin what u doin and u'll improve.holla.

Feedback
 

yo thanks for the replies, still uppin for feedback, also check out my new open mic, "Rules of The Game" if you liked this piece you will love that one.
peace