Sunk!?
 

i dont know how it happened but i felt so small
at sea i was aboard in a plastic land of squalls
hardly enthralled i sent up an S.O.S voice
but the giant bared his joints contemplating a choice
finally he points and plugs a crater with a shot
right next to my spot!my movement is stopped
a fingerprint mocks and i hear booming speech
and my danger has increased to say the least
lifes a beach?ironic theres not a grain to be seen
horizons stretch my beliefs i can see the window
and a familiar symbol out of reach memories rekindled
sold short i was swindled ...AGGGH! plastic missiles!
i'm in a pickle i'm on the second last ship left to cripple
my world is fickle manufactured for tactical wars
and im caught in friendly fire interupted by pause
i need to dock in port or hope my user thinks well
i observe my hell am i doomed to artificial neptunes spell?
only time will tell... and another bomb threatened ship
it rocked and clicked into a hole of the surface
oh god please reverse this accident of curses
my thought broken by serpents! another plastic scare
but im prepared for the worst in deaths stare
and visually impaired i hear a muttered tone of victory
held in suspense..a mystery..was i sunk? i'm jittery
my hands turned slippery and i looked above at fate
the nailed hand gripped weight i couldnt escape
jump ship or serve my place?the missile homed in...
future so grim the plastic squashed me in the hole
now deaths abode...CAptain of 'Battle Ship'....
and then i woke

ascending

some punches are harder to understand and to me that amplifies the content all in all i like that shit

hmmmmm i dunno if u got the topic

fucking sleepers

This was your best flow yet. .I didn't seem a single fault within it. .Also nice & smooth. .Im pretty sure i got the topcic. .

i dont know how it happened but i felt so small
at sea i was aboard in a plastic land of squalls

Great opener. .

my hands turned slippery and i looked above at fate
the nailed hand gripped weight i couldnt escape

Felt that line. .Dope imagery, rolled off tongue

This was a very tight piece. .Lookin out for more of yours. .Everyone of your pieces are laced with complexity. .Pz

Dope Dope Dope Piece man. As I've Said before, the flow is what attracts me to reading drops. As does complexity. Flow @ Complexity @ the presence of vocab and multi's made this piece incredible dog, forreal. Had some ill imagery placed within it too. Shit, i'm smitten with this piece. Openin bar was dope, set the tone.

sold short i was swindled ...AGGGH! plastic missiles!
i'm in a pickle i'm on the second last ship left to cripple
^^ ILL.

and visually impaired i hear a muttered tone of victory
held in suspense..a mystery..was i sunk? i'm jittery
my hands turned slippery and i looked above at fate
the nailed hand gripped weight i couldnt escape
^^ As po1ent said, this rolled of the tongue.. dope x's 2 Imagery.

fgee.. I commend you dog.. excellent piece. I'ma be lookin for more drops from you.

**Good look on the reply to my O.M. dog.**

-Formula.

Follow rules, state ur 3 replys, else i delete this

Other by that

This had some funny shit in it, ..and it flowed nice


and a familiar symbol out of reach memories rekindled
sold short i was swindled ...AGGGH! plastic missiles!
i'm in a pickle i'm on the second last ship left to cripple

^^Lol

Nice read...good vocab nice immagery

O0mpa L0ompa ...

pretty cool little topic there Fgee good structure, word usage
and vocab painted a pretty good picture.......
props on a good one

haha dope ass drop son...flow was great, vocab was great, structure was great, content was great, it had some dope ass imagery in there...overall it was a really good drop son...dont see anything wrong with it...i'll be looking for more of your shit....keep dropping...

i dont know how it happened but i felt so small
at sea i was aboard in a plastic land of squalls
hardly enthralled i sent up an S.O.S voice
but the giant bared his joints contemplating a choice

nice couple of bars to open up ^


horizons stretch my beliefs i can see the window
and a familiar symbol out of reach memories rekindled
sold short i was swindled ...AGGGH! plastic missiles!
i'm in a pickle i'm on the second last ship left to cripple

like other peeps said, that was ill^


if you get a chance, peep my latest open mic...i could use some more feedback...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=88578

-1-

really appreciate the feedback
thanks