Dont Look Into My Eyes
 

*(Something i wrote a WHILE ago, somewhat of an approach to a different style, IF you read with comprehension you will understand)

DONT LOOK INTO MY EYES

Don’t look into my eyes

You’ll trip on my lashes
And fall into the intellectual lake

Your condensed mind
Will selfishly expand
To the shape of my body

Your paternal thoughts
Will overcome the truth
b/c you don’t understand

don’t change my vision

Lies penetrate and reflect from the optical prism
Decaying the records of knowledge

You still feel nothing, everything
Real is numb to you

don’t make me scream

Shrills and cries of silence, I feel you
Rearranging me
Subconsciously, no longer equal or free

You chained me to the demons
Condemned me to the world

Don’t make me stay

you’ll slowly spill out my pores
Burning my skin
Leaving me victimized

Too much will, strength, wisdom
I wont let it happen
Cant be afflicted by any

You mean well but bring pain
So do me a favor
And

Don’t look into my eyes

Wow. This was seriously awe inspiring. I mean, all those different lines had some serious mind expanding thoughts to them.


You’ll trip on my lashes
And fall into the intellectual lake

Your condensed mind
Will selfishly expand
To the shape of my body

Your paternal thoughts
Will overcome the truth
b/c you don’t understand


Tripping over ones lashes. Got the image that the person you are speaking to is really really small. And then falling into an intellectual lake, that got me feeling that your eyes are made of liquid and inside them is held knowledge. And then condensed mind expanding in your body, that makes me think the person you are talking to is someone of ignorance who takes possesion of your body. And the word paternal, that got me thinking that the person you're talking to is your mother or father or a care taker of yours.

I mean I loved this piece. The whole thing got me thinking of demon possesion, but I can see past that at least. I really loved this.

~Islam~

Wow, great piece gurl. Shows a lot of emotion and what u were feelin. Structure was great along with the vocab choice. I agree with Necro on the meaning. I loved it as well. Great job. Keep droppin. Most respect.

well this was definitly unique
ive never read something alone the lines of dont trip of my lashes

its one of these pieces, that my meaning will tend to differ for person to person. and sometimes the writer doesnt even truley understand why they might have writen lines

you did a good job it protraying this in a way that grabs the attention of others, and makes them listen. because its something they neven saw before, or put it in a different light.

The flow and structure worked well in this, and i like the short paragraphs and one liners throu out this piece.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

Re: Dont Look Into My Eyes
 

HOLY SHIT! Sorry, I'm not normally a profanity person but that deserved it! This was beautiful, pure brilliance! At first, presuming by the title that it was like "Don't look into my eyes (because I'll fall in love with you)" but then I read it an my jaw dropped, within the first 3 lines you blew away any preconceptions that I may have had based on the title. Get at me in a PM, I need to talk to my boi but I'd like to talk to ya about somethin real quick... some one needs to snatch this newbie up! Great drop gurl, beautiful all around! Lookin forward to readin more, peace!

Very nice piece i enjoyed reading it...simplistic but to the point..nice structure as well...keep postin i'll keep reading...

-1-

very nice and extremely unique drop, i can honestly say i have not seen this approach before but it worked incredible. I liked the opener the best, kinda reminded me of something i can't put my finger on... I liked it keep ittup gurl!

thank you
i'm glad to see that people are reading my drops
Calisto check your box
thanks again

upping for more replies

This was very dark. The way you depicted the psyche in such a detailed and twisted way. Twisted in the sense it was past normal way of thinking on the subject. Or at least past what the peole in general would want to think on the subject. The psyche of the person.

Chillingly surreal. Right from the start you seem to talk in a conflicting way. Do not look into my eyes, or you shall realise what you are doing. And i don't want to go there. Along those lines.

I wont really go any further. In terms of psychology and what not. No need in my opinion. But to put it simply. To me it's about a girl who gets sexually abused by her father on a regular basis. Or 'father figure'. So much so her mind-set has been moulded into something quite twisted yet eerily rational. Rational in the sense she has ignored one rationality, and has latched onto the other. I dunno if you get what i'm saying. But if it is about the daugther-father thing, then i'll just say i understand the piece.

If it isn't, then so be it...(i mean maybe it's about a kind of partner who acts like the daddy like figure...er..)..

...resp...

EDIT: I read it again for some reason. And i came back to the 'equal and free' line. Which makes me thnk that it is probably about relationships with partners (boyfriends etc) rather than what i first thought. Though take that line out...

This was very unique and caught my attention as well as my mind. This was wounderful. Guys make the mistake of falling in love and or liking someone they never thought they would like like that by simply looking into a womans eyes. A lot can be seen in them and a lot can be processed. This was a great peice. Screw structure or vocab, doesn't matter. It meant something and with that, that's all you need. utmost Spect JT

Thank you

I'm surprised by all of the different interpertations of this piece, some are sort of close but others are way off
by paternal thoughts, i was leaning toward thoughts of authority, not necessarily a Father figure
i see your edit varentao, i was trying to see how you saw it that way, but i really couldnt

upping this
dont sleep

Aint nothing to say.

I just figured you'd like to know I read this again and I still feel the same. Awe inspiring peice you've dropped. Seriously.

~Shalom~

^Thanks hun^
I'm glad to have someone actually going back to re-read this. Most forgot about it, or didnt even bother to read it in the begining.
It means alot, it really does, especially from someone who is very talented themselves.
Thanks again hun, your words are very much apreciated.

Everyones pretty much said it..... bastid's :flipoff:

But it was wonderfull, i've read it about 6 times now
its great, a real showing of your talent,
Keep droppin more,
WoW

Pz.

sorry that its taken so long Sage...I liked it from the beginning..

Don’t look into my eyes

You’ll trip on my lashes
And fall into the intellectual lake

Your condensed mind
Will selfishly expand
To the shape of my body

Your paternal thoughts
Will overcome the truth
b/c you don’t understand

Saying that theres a lot mopre to you then the cover
except you explained it beautifully and simply as well


don’t make me scream

Shrills and cries of silence, I feel you
Rearranging me
Subconsciously, no longer equal or free

You chained me to the demons
Condemned me to the world

You have already been through a lot and you think it wouldnt
really take that much to tip your coffee over..thats life..very nice

these two stanzas stood out to me the most and
the others meant well but faded off somewhat...
definately a great write by any means..you even
made goody two shoes Calisto swear :kid:

ill probaly catch some flak for that there...great piece..peace