Real Horror and Pain
 

Sitting alone, I...
Contemplate why...
Everything went away.

So I can try...
To say good bye...
And somehow be ok.

Never again will...
I feel anything till...
I come to terms with this.

But the voice so shrill...
Penetrates like a drill...
It's message always persists.

I'm now all alone...
I can hear myself moan...
My soul has been cut out...

Sliced to the bone...
By a call on the phone...
The facts left me no doubt.

Speed should of slowed...
But it was a slippery road...
And the guardrail came apart...

A police report showed...
Impact made it explode...
Incinerating what's in my heart.

How can they be gone...
My two beautiful swans...
I need them, are they unaware?

Love can't be withdrawn...
So to their graves I'm drawn...
Laying across two mounds in despair.

But I've brought a friend...
It's gonna help me mend...
All the scars this has brought me.

As a flash brings to end...
My soul's hand extends...
As I join them and again become happy.




This is, thank God, not something I went through.
But I'm sure husbands and fathers go through it everyday somewhere...
This is for them.
I'm sorry.




Shit Happens by kevx301
1st Critique

Me and A Mic by LM
2nd Critique

Just a Whack Little Verse by MCM
3rd Critique

Peep this, godammnit!

Peace

HONESTLY I LIKE THE MEANING BUT THE DELIVERY AS MUCH..IT SEAMED VERY BASIC

I beg to differ with WORD~PERFECT....I thought this piece brought depth

This piece seemed more like a poem, but it's all good...the piece was fuckin ill!

The structure was simple...but you told an entire small story without saying too much....much like a poem as I've said...but you got your point out across with good vocab and rhyme scheme...good lookin on this piece right here!

I

Thanks, Marxx...

That's exactly what I was going for, man.

Simple and basic.

Cuz, seriously...

If ya wife and kid just died...

Ya ain't looking for complex dictionary words...

I would imagine your thoughts and mind are pretty fucking tired.

I appreciate your input, Thanks.

Word~Perfect, Sorry ya didn't like it, my man.

It Was Short.. New Style.. It Worked
I Liked It.. Depth Could Have Been More
But Creativity Took Up For It.. Nice Piece
Glad To See You Elevated In Topicals My Man

Please Hit Mine Up In Return
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=89500

mmm... it feld like a poetry piece...nice wordplay and shit