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Ramblings Of The Mind
Hopelessness left amoung forgotten dreams
Lost in confusion, or so it seems Cold clamy fingers grasp the nape of my neck Unknown to my mind I recall, as I reflect Broken & damaged, life rips at the seams As death comes closer, no shoulder for me to lean On & on the story goes forward as it plays I remain untouchable to the sunlight rays I feel I'm on the ouside wanting to look in Uneducated wanderings living upon sin Blasphemous times, these years here on earth You begin to die from the day mothers give birth Trying to find a reason our bodies grow and die Searching high and low, between and far, never knowing why The answer to life itself comes when your already gone Then we all realize there's no queen, no knights, just pawns Become content just doing the things that we do Waiting for the day that we will learn the truth |
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come on yous guys don't just peek please post
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Iight. Structure and rhyme scheme were great. I got good imagery off this at the beginning. Ur views and opinions were felt and understood. I liked ur outlook on life. I agree wit it totally. Overall good drop, and I liked it. I kno how u feel on ppl lookin at ur stuff and just leavin without postin. It gets annoyin, but of coarse ppl sleep on stuff like this. Good job. Much respect. Keep droppin
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this was a simple, yet strong message piece. it seemed down to earth, and natural.
the flow worked, even thou it was basic, it didnt take away from the piece, and they didnt seemed forced. the structure was good, and the spacing between the lines did give each line a little more attention. vocab was pretty basic, but that too didnt take away. because the message and emotion were the main focus. you gave it a bit of your own flavor that also added a uniqueness to it. ~Tera~ DONT HATE |
thank you very much........
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this was nice
a real good read it was simple, but you got it off in a way that makes the reader see it and understand, or maybe its just me but i liked it, the flow, structure and vocab were str8 it's a message and a thought that i sometimes write about and find myself thinking about nice drop eep elevatin |
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