[week4] Taktik (1-1) vs T-Square (1-2)
 

topic: breathe slow

due date: saturday
judging ends: monday

In

in.....
oh goodie, hes gotta crew, let the votes jus roll right in...
Breath slow....
another odd one if I may say, never better than

EAT SHIT AND DIE

They told me to aim and jus let the finger flow/
To take pride not shame and jus breath slow/
The loud bang that left me changed at 10 years old/
Nine years later I've become an assasin and hater/
Who's air patters are so comotose I need a resperator/
And ten seconds later when I should feel adreniline/
This motion picture in my brain of memories begin/
I never hesitate or shake when I send a fake to hell again/
Askin myself why my passion transformed me to an asasin/
Learned at a young age how easy it is to controll the rage/
Let it go through a gage and engage the end of your age/
And for every soul that I let go for god or hells controll/
I feel no remorse and the source is I learned to breath slow/

15 bars...keyed/

Pitch black around me, keyboard at my touch.....
Haziness, my minds blank , another keystyle rushed......
When will it be the time, my elevation arrives.....
I look up to these figures, watch my power deprived.....
Been subject of hatred, cept I know my own ability.....
Yet little wins accounted for...now lost all tranquility....
Seems nobody's feelin me...my life's path's a false.....
Sometimes I feel dead...check with my finger to pulse......
Can't seem to excel, lost within' my mind, my hell......
No escape...within me my curse, my flaw, my spell......
Suddenly I feel levitation, unlike anything before....
Feeling perception leave me, feet leave the floor....
Then I awake as Taktik again...just as I thought I flipped......
I take a deep breath...realize I just witnessed my opposite.........

I Liked...

Both Of Em Actually...

Its A Hard Decision...

But Ima Say Taktik On Dis One...

His Vocab And Sentences Were More Mature...

I Really Liked Both, But Had Ta Go Wit Tak On Dat...

Nice By Both...

Vote... Taktik...

-Azaz

Both writers came with a okay flow, but it fell of equally. .I mean nothing complex but it flowed none the less, T-Sqaure your vocab was below taktiks & also his depth was above T-Sqaures. . Not a bad battle. .Pz

Vote-Takitk

Good battle fellaz.............it was close and SHORT, you both could have done a lot betta, tha breakdown....................
T Square - Rhyme Scheme: 6, Flow: 6, Story: 7, total: 19
Taktic- Rhyme Scheme: 5, Flow 6, Story 7, total: 18
try harda next tyme or sumthin, t square edged it because his lat verse actually rhymed, lol, no hate
vote - T square
check my battle, stay real, peace, 1

i mean last bar, my bad

t square edged it because his lat verse actually rhymed, lol, no hate

^^^maybe if you read it you'd see that it wasn't just the last words rhyming, it was a combination of thought-I-flipped and opposite...which does rhyme....just cuz it didn't have the same letter structure like flipped and dipped doesn't mean it dont rhyme

Vote = Taktik
 

Good battle to both. T-Square, I liked the story, I felt it pretty much stayed on topic, but I think it could of been detailed a little better. Overall, good verse. Taktik, I felt you could of started off your verse better. You've could of got something else to get the readers attention quicker than talking about keystyles. Anyway, I was feeling the imagery in your verse the most. Gave the reader a good picture of what was going on, and the twist seemed to fit the piece perfect. Good battle, but Taktik gets my vote for coming with a better detail story.

Eat shit taktik, you got one fuckin lousy vote against you and you fuckin cry, ok, let me cry about the three you have, you fuckin pussy, this is EXACTLY why I dont vote anymore, cause nobody is fuckin REAL!!!!!

Better verse from Taktik because he went into more detail, laid out more imagery and flowed very well.
Reading T-Square's, I was left wanting.
It was a good verse, but I wanted to know more and feel deprived, like there's a part 2 somewhere.
Taktik didn't leave anything out.
Great rhyme scheme (some folks just can't see em), great multi's, strong emotion.

Taktik

good by both T square was average..not good flow.
off at times and just wasnt feelin it.

Taktik. I liked this it was short to the point
good scheme and everything else a good story needs.

-Vote.Taktik

i think tak... had this most deffinately

i couldn't get a grip on t-squares...it was kinda... eh...
the imagry wasn't put good together really...
i just can't say much about it t-square

taktik... had me feelin it... it was easier to read...
maybe cuz the story was better with better imagry also...
it had depth in it... n was just... well
WINABLE...
vote=tak