An Ember On God's Ciggerate
 

replied to mentill, word perfect, and walter wall + 2 more..

this is a track I wrote and started recording today...a metaphor comparing life to ciggerates....lemme know what u think

(hook)
Life is like an ember on gods ciggerate
Life is like an ember on gods ciggerate
Burn it up burn it up flick the ashes
burnin up burnin up life is drastic
Life is like an ember on gods ciggerate
Life is like an ember on gods ciggerate
puff it up puff it up and inhale
puff it up puff it up til we in hell

This is how it goes, the life that noone knows//
looked upon as foes, but it's the one we chose//
god packed us, lit us up, flicked our ashes//
his homie was fiendin, so god passed it//
his homie killed it, so god exiled him//
now lookin down upon us he be smilin//
used to light another one mickey mouse style n//
threatens to extenguish if the world acts too childish//
now we feelin like shit burnin up quick//..
runnin out of time if our ashes are flicked//
the ciggerate butts was a metaphoric message//
on how he uses death to keep the evil out the heavens

(hook)

Look at it this way, we thought of it since way back//
we killin our lord, so he's forced to get payback//
our people are like, the tar causin pitfalls//
the badseeds like the fiberglass in a menthol//
the reason he continues takin hits off of us//
is cuz he can't quit (why?), he's addicted to us//
n we've forbidden the trust, a hearse is sinical//
us thugs like the message to heaven from the surgeon general//

(hook)

That's how I see it n that's how it's been//
our empty packs in the trash n our people in the pen//
evil evenings, when we can't depend//
on the dude givin us life, love, n dividends//
but does it matter how your ass lives this?//
do smokers grant tobacco leaves forgiveness?//
I don't think so, I honestly don't//
so live like a herb, get burned up, and he won't

(hook)x2

this was flawless in concept and thought delivery....but short and needed more structure and relativety....
otherr then that phenominol piece.

^ thanx...

yea the verses seem short but the song is actually around 4 minutes long (I finished recording it today)...it's just that the speed of the song is pretty slow...I wanted the verses to be longer but that's how much space it had for verse time before the chorus part kicked in so I didn't have a choice really...thanx for the crit tho

peace

damn...I'd appreciate some more crit....I'll try to hit up some more shit

Very good..I liked every bit of it..keep it up man..peace

wow....great crit lmao....thanx for the props though