When the game is no longer fun
 

Unspoken words said through facial expression, changing impressions
Love teaches many lessons, and my thoughts of you lessen
Forget "us", we're done, I thought you were the one
We played silly games, but games are s'pposed to be fun
Cannot base relationship off mixed signals and emotions
Thoughts coasting, around you I no longer feel open
Eyes unrelenting, yet from others you hide your intentions
Used 2 b consenting,now I ask is it me you want or just my attention?



First time here, just trying to see how my poetry is... any advice is welcome

wasnt bad at all for a first poetry try

you should try working on an intro and outro to this piece thou, it seems more like a middle of a piece. And tell use more of a story, branch out more. you did a good job with getting feelings/emotion across, but you could work on discribing things deeper. vocab and flow were good in the piece, and structure worked.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

*rolls eyes*
I liked it, the flow is just like 88 hip hop, greatest kinda slow pouring flow i know. You pulled off the flow masterfully and the content and word usage was on point too, Really glad i read it, great drop regardless of its your 1st or 100th time, good job, 1luv.

nice peace flow was different, a bit more length would be good. looks like tha middle of suminc, try n put more story tellin in it. keep it up.
peace~roX~

i see why ur avi is rakim...u seem to have adated his flow fa this peice...it was tight nice vocab an all that wut not...and good job on makin me kno how u feel...u got ya point across which is very important....i need to ask that question ta summa tha chicks i kno...

'Used 2 b consenting,now I ask is it me you want or just my attention?'
ne waes stay up..-shi-

It seemed quite laid back. Like you were sitting on a chair at night. Running this through your mind. Contemplating. Gradually coming up to that question. A question of realisation.



We played silly games, but games are s'pposed to be fun

^i liked that line.


...resp...

Good drop for ya first time in here. Everything was nice. Structure and whatnot. You got your point across. It was kind of short and I felt some feeling/emotion in it. May just be me, but u seemed to be thinkin bout this more than feelin it. Ya kno? I'm not hatin, just explainin myself. Overall you did a good job. Keep it up. Much respect.

thanks for the response, was hung up over this chick and decided to vent for a quick second. Y'all's input really motivated me, thanks...

You've gotta be kidding me... that couldn't be your first TRY at poetry. Maybe first time POSTing here.. i hope so anyway because that was written like you've done it a million times before. There was a lot of emotion, the flow was right on, and everything just pieced together perfectly. A great drop.. lookin forward to seein more.