It's Over!
 

replied to: have you ever had
SS: Suffocated
True Lies


FEATURE PRESENTATION:


I aint seen you today girly, So I thought I'd take the time to write you a note,
It would help me to know, whats going on in your mind, u upset bout the words that I spoke?
I know that I've got a temper problem and I've been tryin to find another way to for me to solve it,
But nothing seems to be working, especially when I catch you cheatin on me, or whatever you called it...
What did I do to deserve to be used, You hurt me so fuckin deeply, that my entire souls been bruised...
From the start of something new, I could understand that your intentions werent something to salute...
If I was only looking for a heartache, you would've showed up like a fucking dream come true...
So what do I say to my unborn child when I go to leave you buried in my past...
I should have known that in the aftermath that all this shit wouldnt ever last...
So as this little love letter comes dwindling to its end, I'm still continuing to live,
I'm continuing to spit and wont forgive you of shit because of the shit that you did...
So go fuck another guy tonight, and get out your 5 minute thrill and time of pleasure...
But honest to God girl... if ya loose me... you wont find someone better.................


Your 10 minutes of pleasure erupted and corrupted us...
what was you thinking of... musta been something "fucked"...
You could'a had a good thing with me... but... you completely blew the shit...
Now you need to leave... find another guy that you can FUCK WIT.............

this is aiight...quite alot of filla init n you dont rhyme till the end of them long lines...but you stay on topic n all tht shit..it flows aiight...you need more structure to your verse...throw in some multis or a more complex rhyme scheme n this shit wud b pretty tight...

if you hit up battle in my sig wud b greatly apritiated...shits slept on n i aint got anymore up's :confused:

The liens were too stretched considering you dind't have a good enough rhyme shceme to carry the flow. .So i'd fix that, it was okay sciene, nothing quotable, nothing really stood out. .But it was a good job. .

Pz

this was a good read, but I think you could of done better. You had strtched lines, and a hard flow, a lot of emotion in it, and because of that it seemed you werent thinknig to clear because of the situation. So i think if you rre-wrote this it would be amlot better. Keep it up man pz