Point of View
 

This is just a little key, may sound a lil preachy
But try a catch the flow.


By the wayside lying on Catastrophe
a devilish fate, twisted and dastardly
a bastid be, quik to jump the gun
And with two quick clicks the task is done
Run, he got away from the police...Phew
But he never stops running...
....from his mind he's Astrew
And never knew, so young and he's livin like this
Cant ever taste a career, forever an accomplis.
Dump this, run that...
Attacked by the gat's that in his mind..will always clap
So react.......

But no-one needs bullets for thought,
Eat some mind food or face being caught
Fought this war in angst, now family's distraught
Tried to teach way's....but he dont wanna be taught
Listen to this testimony, act real dont act phoney
The road can be stoney, you keep gettin blocked by rocks
But dont ever block your rocks from cops,
You dont need to do that shit,
think
or Next Time you or your click might be hit.
And that'd be it...........

Replied to:
Kemyst - Parental split
Wogzta - Mind theory

yo nice shit i'll give u a 8/10

can u give me a honest vote here plz cause i aint gettin no feebaack on my battle
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...8748#post898748

YES, GOOD VERSE BRUV. LIKIN WAHT U TRYIN TO PREACH THO........................

ur all fucking retards^
if u reply like that to any other thread i'll have u banned u fucks

anyway...
flow was pretty good on this twizzle..quite an interesting style
content wasnt eart breaking but kept me reading..
no wordplay and little imagery hampered this piece a great deal
vocab was a bit simple as well...
whole thing just lacked some depth and complexity to it
props anyhow for the flow

agree w/fgee flow was good, but the poem itslef was lacking,
wasnt really that deep, hardly any imagery, and not a single
play on words. the rest was kinda there. work on tappin into
some raw emotions, like when someone just beats the hell outta ya, then come and write, cuz you have the flow, just lacked
pure emotion.