my first topical ( pain is why i write)
 

1st Topical (( PAINs why i rap)
i would like to make this audio

(DARK VOICE TALKIN)
Darkness is everpresent-----the wind is cold and dusty
i hear something from over there
a shadowy figure emerges
to tell you why he hurts so much
he's cloaked in all black with a pale but crisp skin
all you can see in his eyes and the pain inside
he brings his hand up
he's holdn a mic


I sit here cloaked in stains. the color of red to proclaim my pain
i've witstaind the rain/ but it keeps coming
its like i do all this for nothin/ but theres gotta be sumthin
worth dyin for/ i just can't try any more/ i walk str8 willin to fly through any door
thats open/ but as soon as i get there its closin
exposin this hopelessness/ iwish my life was over with
so i can leave this place/ but i wont slit my wrist or bleed my face
its like i need this/ ask me why
i'm speachless/

he GRabs a mic
he heres a beat
he nods his head and begins spittin

if i was able to reach the imprisoned/ with invisions of prismz
i could speask wisdom to these childen who cant make decisions
my precision could make an incision in rap
to trap these cat in equal divisions of cats
my pain is so great that i can't explain the reasons i hate
i'm breathin in weight -----CAN U REALATE
to the pain i withtake with every breath i escape
i exhale the monoxide/ just to see my pops die
from a shot that could drop skies/
i' mean i'm hurtin ------thats for certain
its like everything i luv/ is shoved under a curtain
and its visible when i'm dispersin these words without tears
i'm only one man with no fears/ just bizarrede buy the bars of years
scars on tears is how i out live my peers
and it appears to be the reason / i'm breathin threw tears

( a tear drops our figure as he kneels down
palms his palms and looks at the sky) slowly praying

God why is it so hard to live a life/ i feel like 'm alive but killed twice
despite the hard times that i beeen threw/ i knew it was you
who i could come to
but who knew i would end up like this/ a shattered image of a man-life-less/
seen the escapes of reality/ they chalenge me to try this/
demons say grab a knife kid/ and leave your wrist with a nice slit/ but i prevail cuz i know you lookin/ AND no matter how shookin
i become _______I KNOW_______YOU AND I are 1

damn....i felt that

not all the lines were dinatmie but sum real good ones in there:

"and its visible when i'm dispersin these words without tears
i'm only one man with no fears/ just bizarrede buy the bars of years"

most importantly, especially if ya want to do the audio...it flowed real nice. like start to finish i can picture the lyrics one after anuther on a beat fa sure.

i'll look for tha audio if ya do it...pc

thanx for the reply
i will have this in audio soon so look for it

for your first topical i thought this was a pretty decent read, the flow was good, but i felt the structure was a bit slack, you had some ok multis, so yeah not bad at all for your first....keep at it man....Pc to ya........

thanx for the peep and crit
dawg holla at me when you need peepin