Confusion
 

i wrote this today about a month after me and my boyfriend broke up


Sitting in class
Staring at the floor
Wondering about You and me
Wondering if we will still be
MY mind is racing
My heart is pacing
God wont you help me with this anticipation
Cuz I so sick and tried
of feeling expired
To the point where I collapse cuz I’m so tired,
of crying over
But guess what I m though
I done with crying and dieing over you
You made me so crazy inside
But what did I get from you
Nothing but pain and black and blues
Now when the times we had play back in my mind
I glad this relationship died


~i looking for some feed back please~

yo tell me what u guys think

Well.. u stole my av :( haha.. but no onto the poem.

I like the flow to it. The structure was different, but the flow was there almost throughout the whole poem. I like your vocabulary, but to me it kinda seems like not all the emotion got out. Nice drop though.. was pretty good.

hey sry about the av lol i guess we both think it look hot thanks for the advice and thanks 4 responding

hell yeah its hot :) haha.. but yea no prob.. nice piece.. keep droppin ill shit :p

who lied to you? lol its a different piece, shows youth (being in a class) and understanding, kinda like wisdom beyond your years, decent, 1luv.

A good read. It could of used more emotion for such a topic. Simple in structure but some elevated vocab would have mixed well in this piece. I'm soory to hear about your breakup, but it made for a good read. You should work on this a bit more, I would like to see it after you give it a little tweak. Keep elevating..

Bounce

thanks for ur advice

hey hey- its my girl with another post-lol-nah, youve got somethin goin here, but try not to use the same words as much. not tryin to crack or pick at ya, but readin does get redundent lookin at the same thing. the mechanics were there, flow was nice, had a solid structure, keep uppin. got one more of yours to read-lol

Nice flow, just put more emotion into it. Apart from that... its koo.

Keep it up~: )

thanks i'll see what i can do to work on this thank for all of ur help