little somethin that i wrote to my girl
 

responses...
sublime D- words you can feel, and nada
Rule- Public Enemy

Aight...
You don't know how hard it is//
To release tue feelings on a templit like this//
It's so much easier to drop a diss//
Throwing imaginary punches with my lyrical hits//
God Damn it's hard to creatively spit~"When i'm away your the one i miss"//
I love you babygirl, i don't know what else to say/
And I miss you babygirl every god forsaken day//
Trust me J~I couldn't fuckin play on a topic this grey//
One thing in the news//
And now~I'm wishin' for you//
Ever sence July~2002//
It takes me 88 miles to see my babyboo//
Now we both new it wasn't gonna be//
Same old, Same old, but the love between~ you and me//
Has gotten only deeper~from what i can see//
On the phone every night//
Talkin forever till the daylight, is outta sight//
and still our relationship is reching its height//
i'm so impressed with us~winnin this fight//
I'll do everything I can, cause in your arms everything feels so right//

aight holla back, truthfully

lucky grl, you got a nice flow man, keep writing yo...!

this feel off on a lot of points, your flow was choppy, cuz it was different all over. You iddn't stay on topic, if your going to write a long song or summin fo her tell her emotions and imaginary your desires things people wonna hear not played lines like your ending, it sounds good but you should spice it up with something like

Your my extacy got me jumpen round playen a hype
you in my arms at night baby nothings ever felt so right

^^thats not much better but a little more interesting...no hate just trying to show an example..keep elavetin pz man

thanks^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^still uppin tho

ok..lyrically I thought this was garbage....I can understand that it's a love song and it's not supposed to be all about punchlines and multis...but a good emcee can make a love song..and still have creative rhymes and metaphors...so you should work on that b/c it looked like u wrote this really quick and had a madd slow r&b beat in your head..

now emotionally you did a good job on this...you showed all the facts...like how far away you live and all that...and you showed how much u actually loved her..w/out mentioning sex one time (that I recall)..that's the kinda shit a girl wants to hear (besides the nymphos..but if your girl was a nympho I doubt u'd be writing about love lol)...

dont' take my crit as a personal thing cuz it's only meant to help u elevate...when u take it personally is when ur not gonna get any better....so try to elevate..maybe write a few practice pieces then when u think u got it perfect let her read the 'perfect' one..

btw on a personal note...long distance relationships suck...not because u can't see them, but because you can't see what they doin...it's almost inevitable that in at the most, 5 months you'll regret writing that piece...but if you make it then TELL ME what the fuck you did lol...good luck tho

peace

^said all that was needed to say, Personally to me I thought this was garbage, and you need help in all aspects. Use the criticism, because your going to be wanting it instead of replies like "dope shit" Elevate.