Letting my inner Poet Free
 

Images Frozen in Time
Things stuck in my mind
Thoughts I have built, all on my own
Driven by a force unknown
Heart struck loneliness when all alone
Pen and paper and a candle for light
I write my heart out, deep into the night
A shadowy figure a disturbing sight
Griping the pen with all of my might
A struggle for love a ongoing fight
My world is spinning the opposition is winning
My self-discovery is just beginning
With every word a new place found
Shedding the pain, tears left on the ground
An inner fire let it burn
Sweep away the ashes, no concern
Thinking clearly, mind lapses I earn
For a new life I yearn
Can’t I be free from my personal prison?
Scattering light through a single prism
and when its done a rainbow is living
Respecting the home god has given
And from the ashes a man has risen
Astronomical theory used like religion
Tracing the world back to its beginnings
What I write is my minds decision
Don’t think, don’t ask, just do it
When I am done I don’t even read through it
Cause it is how it is and that’s how it shall be
Im letting my inner poet free
Creating a personal poem that’s came from me

the rhyme scheme and flow was felt. i thought u had a good use of vocab and structure. overall good job

Good job. Rhyme scheme was weird. It was as if you intended on using a scheme in until the middle, then you stopped. That messed up the flow a little at the end. But dont get me wrong, it was a good drop. Seems like you really put urself into this. Overall, good job. Keep it comin. Much respect.

nice topic
the rhyme scheme was messed up, with poetry you dont need to stick to one rhyme, but you have to be clear with it, you picked one, then another than another, and it made the read real shaky.. you dont want that to happen
also... poetry doesnt always have to rhyme, getting emotion and a deeper meaning (sometimes not even that) across is the thing that matters... here your rhyme seemed forced, dont throw in words just because, deeper words that mean the same can be used,
elevate your vocab
structure
play around with word usage
keep elevatin
your on a good start

Once again let's throw out all the technical details that go into a poem. I thought this was just a random pen to paper on a whim type drop. Meaning you did not sit down and contomplate a structure or scheme, it's reads more like you just let your pen walk onto the page until it was done. I really enjoy that kind of work, I myself am prone to use that style, just letting my pen flow free without editing or making corrections for structure or ryhme scheme. I feel these type of drops reflect the fluidness of a poets thoughts. Anyone can over compensate for structure or use a percise ryhme scehme, match stanza' to syllabols, but a real test is to just let your pen free style so to speak. If this is the case here, you did a good job, I enjoyed reading it.


Respect
~Bounce~

Ya i dont really sit down to think about a ryming scheme and what not i just kinda go and see where it ends up..

i will take into consideration tho..

contiinue to evelate

thx for the feedback .....Peace