-Influence-(Rate this please)
 

aight i plan to finish this and make it a song. i just wanna know if you guys know where im goin with this. i used my wordplay but tried to keep the subject goin. give feedback. good or bad.




ayo
ive been livin in a state
where my mental imbalance is rage//
before the stage
before the pen even touches the page//
mind full of confusion
maybe its all an illusion//
like a shock of elctromagnetic intrusion//
abusin
and manipulating words//
simulatin swords to decapitate the chords//
of instrumentals
its the essence and fundamentals//
done before the bass ever even met the treble//
the level
is at even a higher state//
sit back enjoy the show an watch it escalate//
you have to elevate in order to be great//
but in this state of mind you could never tolerate//
explode on the microphone
and let yourself go//
the desire to know electric flow has grown//
so take a lesson
from the greatest emcees//
an you'll see an agree what im trying to achieve//

Good shit. Nice wordplay and good story. "before the pen even touches the page..." That shit's sick right there. Extend this piece out and maybe throw a hook to it and see what happens. I think it'll be pretty tight. Good intro.

yo man that shit is tight dawg keep it up like tsheff112 said
put a hook to it an it will b tight peace

yeah the topic was ok, the flow was there, some nice vocab......a bit short, and a couple of lines, knocked the structure a bit, but i thought it was a decent read......Pc