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Currupted Visions: Hate 2 Be Devils Soul-mate
the way i walk 2 fear its like a joke i laugh cuz only i can hear/
trap'd in insanity,the way i stare at death despized profanity/ clearly a mistake i fell on to earth,cuz i came straight from hell after my birth/ im a devil in a angels out look/shook 2 shake me out of wat i mistakinly took/ unfair 2 the ones i luv an care-4,cuz even wen out of control ur the one im always ther-4/ but it fights and breaks me down,till im left screamin at the edge of town/ face is red,eyes are deep wit hate/hard 2 relate 2 my mindly devilish soul-mate/ but he grew and now lives within-me/im currupt'd 2 prove that the devil is my twin-baby/ face it im brewin wit evil and bad dreams, i live wit myself no matter how bad it seems/ wats a kid 2 do wen hes deaths eyes,ive tried 2 escape but its worthless wit many miss'd tries/ grieve in deep sorrow 2 recieve the death wish of a luv'd one, shit Y CANT IT BE ME/ if i die 2 re-incarnate a better me/i have chances 2 see wats better 2 be/ i broken lil boy wit no will-2-live/with lil luv inside me there is still-some-2-give/ chorus* brokin dreams diminished w/o a soul/ kurruption of death, deadly out-of-control/ w/o out a space 2 breath im dyin slow/ dig my grave, and push me in its pittyless hole/ no direction clear enough 2 see-all/like my body motionless but at a free-fall/ akward moments r all i have 2 die-4/if i have no soul, wat do i have 2 cry-4/ anxiously awaiting 2 be sav'd,cuz im a toy 2 the devil the way im beatin'd and inslav'd treat'd 2 do his blessing of doom/i fume out my hears like a mad child as he storms 2 his room/ inchanted memories of angels,but wen i walk 2 heaven i cant get in only hell is acces granted/ wen i walk 2 school internal evil at high/angels surround me,beauty i see from here 2 the sky/ wen i start 2 come out of this mess/im reminded by him im hell bound and deadly bless'd/ shakin wit hate afraid 2 retaliate cuz im out of control but he contols my soul-less fate/ doom'd till internity awaits/im wat happenz wen da devil and hells angle mates/ the prince of darkness and fury, but wen i ask out, i cant even hear-me/ im sick w/o a soul so end my days/cuz if i wanna luv but stuck in this body nothin pays/ i gladly return my memories in 2 prevail/ther u have it vanish'd faster then a trashy-email/ Chorus* everday i hold this in as a abnormal kid/ if i kill its not me its the devil that did/ shame on myself 4 wat ive created/ i want'd death,cuz ive want'd a sould but 2 long ive waited/ |
Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
Rules Thread Link - More Information On It Can Be Found Here Thanks Man. |
iGHT MAN..HERE THEY ARE...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92978 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92605 COME ON PPL...THIS WAS A PRETTY QUIK key... juss give some feedback.. thanx peace |
COME ON PPL...NO SLEEPING
NEED A LIL FEEDBACK... SO ..UM IF I COULD GET SOME..IT WOULD BE APPRECIATED. |
This was alright i thought...the flow was pretty good, got off at some parts though.....structure was ok i thought could be a bit better....your vocab was good overall....had some multies in there....the chorus was done pretty well also....overall i thought was a pretty good piece...keep at it....and keep dropping.
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I said three. I'll let it go this time, next time I won't though, sorry its just the way we have to work stuff.
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^^O SRY MAN...
my bad...if u want a 3rd..ill let it go... i juss muss have read want i wanted 2 see or something... my bad.....sry uppin 4 some more... and thanx 4 the feed C |
you had mostly internal rhyme scheme .. i liked your title .. it was catchy .. i liked your first chorus .. in my opinion .. you should've just stuck to that one .. wasn't really feelin up on your second one .. but i like how you thought of that .. thought it was pretty creative .. you didn't have too much vocabs up in this .. so that's good .. you didn't make it boring by loadin it up wit a lot of enormous words .. peep my sig and return the favor .. get at me!
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THANX MAN..MUCH APPRECIATED...
THANX 4 ALL THE FEED... I WISH EVERYBODY WOULD THOW SOMETHING LIKE DAT.... IGHT WELL UPPPIN |
Work Dude.. u Need It..
Flow Is Off In Some Parts Work On Structure n' All That |
^^um..ill get over it...
not my best.. i didnt try my hardest... but i understand wat ya sayin thanx |
nice shit keep it goin cuz ~1~
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fuck u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!im sick and tired of all this bullshit rappers talkin bout life and how it brings em down soooooo fuck all you hoes..u can lick dese nuts!!CTF droppin dat madd shit on yall bitches.Masta C my boy tho but fuck all da rest of yall weak ass bitches
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first off, the 2's and the 4's are really annoying throughout your peice, it really made it annoying read.....same goes for the dashes, we can all recognize multi's, especially the really simple ones you kept useing......
this was aight peice man, props on it, lota good desctiptions and a good story man peace |
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