New Song
 

yo this is a new song i wrote
the killin the blood spillin
its gotta stop
every time i look the corner theres a cop
6 of my boyz done been capped
we need to do somethin about this crap
the hatin debatin the waitin
its just blatent plain to see
that the next one in the street could be me
kids gettin done in for a nickle of green
parents talkin mean
with 2 shots in the night
out comes the fight
black against white
shit aint right
turf was never ours to begin with
just came in and took over
guns stickin out the rover
people duckin for cover
killin our brother
we need to elevate
not discriminate
kill tha hate

IT'S ITE I SUPPOSE .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .....

i would have posted this in a place like open mic or something, but w/e, the rhyme seemed forced throughout almost the whole piece, that brought the piece down, the vocab could have been elevated, with a topic that is used so often you should try and bring it with new style and from aother perspective, unless your telling the reader what we've heard time and time again, you know? just a little tip
this was an ok piece, try playin with word usage, and a better rhyme scheme maybe.......not all songs need to follow that but this one seems to need something else
ok piece
keep elevatin