im back with a new peice
 

yeah me and my fried controversy are rappers and stuff. this is for our song about pennsylvania. this is my verse

pittsburgh blitsburgh home of the steelers
got some penguins, some pirates and some dealers
dont got a basketball team, but got some killers
and you cant forget our andcestors the steel millers
now i got a couple things to ask, so listen
do you really think you can fill mc nabbs position
and now whos afraid of the big bad bus
who dont think iversons the greatust
enough with the questions, let me tell you bout this place
did you motherfuckin know where the keystone state
were also the number one best
party all fuckin night, n in the day still dont rest
so much weed in the air, its all you can injest
and on some of these streets u'll be needin a bulletproof vest
but dont get me wrong, this the greatest place to be
from pittsburgh to erie out to philly

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback on or this will get deleted..

But this was ok...try to make the lines around the same length though but it was alright still....add some multies and internals to help the flow out in this piece though....vocab was alright could be a bit better though....overall this was a ok piece...keep at it and keep dropping.

Groundhog syndrome
How I feel about the world 2day
Suicidal

theres 3 now some feedback

to dat was tight kinda weird but it was still tight

cool
uppin

It was decent, topic didnt appeal to me much .. rhyming was madd basic on the internals / multi's aspect but you held it together, could be improved content wise .. flow worked decent with this .. short but to the point .. not a lot to critique really ..

just my two cents

pz.

thanks. anyone else