This is to my mom. give me some feed back please
 

Thank You

Verse 1
I sit here got the pencil in hand,
Fight hard to live long if I can,
Afraid to copy another brother rhyming hard ont he mic,
rheminice back to a hard 15 years of my life,
had to work hard for everything that i got,
she told me not to use my fists for any fights that i fought,
use your mind you'll find wits overpower the muscle,
stay in school to learn don't get caught in the hussel,
take just what you need and then give the rest,
guns are stupid bullets will tare through the flesh,
she's always trying to appologize for whats missed,
but when I look back I realise that I'm blessed,
she told me God's the only one for which to have zest,
belive to achieve an eternity with the king,
live your life as your own and don't say what you don't mean,
she said don't forget I'm here no matter what you go through,
and reach for your goals cause I believe in you//

Hook:
You gae me life made me everything that I am
Believin you've always been my biggest fan
Told me to be open minded but build my beliefs on my own
Said even when I leave to know I'll always have a home
Told me to look at the cross with any problems I have
Christ is always by my side have no reason to be sad
You've missed me and prayed everytime i was gone
And now I'm here to say thankyou and I love you mom

Verse 2
Thank you for the past 15 years
You've been there when I was happy and helped me when I shed the tears
When I got in trouble you never doubled your fists
And now I think that the woopans I got were a gift
Now I appologize for the tears that I caused
And when I used the volgarity thanx for the short slap to the jaw
When I got in trouble I became close friends with the belt
And i didn't do it again cause I remember the welt,
I remember hearing through the door you crying yourself to sleep
But when I was cold you were still there to be the heat,
just as the dark came you turned to light
taught me that prayer was the best way to fight
Back when I got in trouble
you kept me out of jail
and most of all thanx for your prayer cause it kept me out of hell

Hook

Verse 3
Now what can I do to pay you back for your pain
How come I couldn't realize that my mistakes were the same
Over and over you continued to be my friend
even though i made the mistakes time and time again
I found the problems so I went to repent
Then I thanked God for you and all the time that he spent
it had to take a little longer to create something so stron
You're my greatest hero and i don't know what I would do if you were gone
I'm here to say my love for yous a million mile long
And most of all I thank you mom

You need to leave the 3 names or 3 links of people you left feedback on in here or this will get deleted...

But i thought this was good....you coud have structured it better though like line on top of line so its structured better but it was still a good read...the hook was pretty good.....your vocab was ok could be up'd though...just work on the structure and add some multies and internals.....overall it was pretty good....keep at it and keep dropping.

this was good. i liked it...the thing is in lyricist boards like this you need to structure your verses. and ditch the caps lock right away. but if this was your first open mic, u got the potential to be real good dogg. it was nice i think. not legendary , could have been alot better...but really nice. the problem with it was its simplicity. but nice drop.

Yeah this was my first in open mic
thanx for the feedback.

Their names are MBP, LoCo, and The 13th Apostle

this is a touching piece u stayedreal

Thanx for the feedback. Give me more.