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All Through The Night!
My eyes grow misty as my finger trails a single drop of rain, on the window’s glass.
My heart, it yearns to see the beauty locked in your gracious pupils, someday at last! To feel your breath, tenderly swimming with in my very own… And to feel your mortal existence next to my bare flesh, in our euphoric home! To stare at the one, whose eyes met mine in a world of illusion, that captures me during the night. In which, my world covets the lives that prance in my visions in the dusk’s proud flight! And though the sun awakens my soul, my heart is still a captive to my midnight’s sleep! In which, My Love! You came abroad and from your perfection you swept me deep! Oh! My beloved, how my ever glorious thoughts of you captivate my every blink, until tears consume my wearied cheeks. And now the clouds that behold those precious droplets, which connect your world and mine become not, one bit too weak! In my foggy vision I stare at the puddles that form on the spouty ground… As my eager hands grip the cool brass doorknob, which leads to our world where my one heart is truly found. With my arms spread wide, my eyelids closed, you capture me with your unveiled sight… And there my beloved! Both you and I…Dance joyously in the rain, all through the night! |
Beyond words... wow.. let me try though..
Emotion.. obviously flawless. Seems you got out what you wanted to. Flow.. very good.. structure was pretty good too.. some lines seemed a bit long, but otherwise good. Vocabulary was perfect. Your uses of the words just.. added to this. Nice ass job.. keep 'em comin. |
Wow. That was amazing. Im at a loss of words. This is definitely one of the best ones that I have read in the whole time that I have been here. Everything on this was perfect. I agree with Twizted 120%. This was literally amazing and I dont know what to say. Accept awesome job. Keep it comin. Most respect.
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Your use of a romantic writting style was greatly felt in this peice. It added a classic yet spunky feel to the read, as well as matched your tone. Elequently written the verbage flowed off the toungue as in many classic poems. You obviously have a grasp on the romantic realm of writting, and it shows here. I wonder who inspireed your style most, I see hints of many great artisit here. I like your imagery, you place our thoguhts there with you and painted a vision in our minds. Female in prespective and masculine in body, was what struck me.
In a traditonal sense not many RB poets can or have pulled this type of drop off. You did well Mija, your talent stands out! Much respect I look forward to more of your work. Have a blessed day, ~Bounce-Dawg-E-Dawg~ |
HO SHIT....
THis was insane...i have nothin to say it was perfect emotion all round excellent.... Overall Grade: 10/10....Only other person ive givin that to is DthsMissingAngel ....keep postin em...-1- |
Thank you!
I appreciate all of your feedback! To bouncedoggydog -- Not sure about which style I got it from. I love reading and studying poetry and different authors from different eras of time, so I suppose it is more of a mix. Thanks again everyone! |
This gave me an edger allen poe feel. I was feelin this hommie, good symolies in here. I like how you described things.
"To feel your breath, tenderly swimming with in my very own… And to feel your mortal existence next to my bare flesh, in our euphoric home!" ^extremely good lines right here, my favorite^ Good drop hommie... OUT -High Class a.k.a Confusion |
that shit was crazy the emotion and flow was crazy. i dont think i can say andthing bad. this was breath takeing. probaly one of the best written poems i have read in a while
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Thank you guys both for you honesty.
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