dont know the title i was in a bad mood so i just started writing
 

drip drip drip
blood spattered concrete
the knot around my neck
the floor beneath my feet
which will take me first?
th noose about my throat
or the razors ruby flow quenching the cement's thirst
swaying back and forth
my body growing cold
death dirives so much courage
how did i become so bold

so tell me mom what what happened to your son?
you always thought he disobeyed for fun
the thing he kept inside was always so descrete
but this secret he tried with all not to keep
he tried to tell u but u turned your ear
bickering and problems were all u could hear
he told you you would be sorry and thats what he meant
it wasnt just a cunning punchline to end and argument
not to worry mother, for my sins i did repent
i guess its Gods choice now as to where i will be sent

kid donovan

Well first, welcome to rb.com's poetry board. I hope you stay, elevate, give feedback, and make this place a community worth frequenting.

As for your poem...

Ok, the first verse caught my eye. But it made me feel this was such a conventional oh so gothier than thou peice of scheiße suicide poem. I hate that stuff. But..

...the second verse you had some real raw talent shining through on it. Seriously. I think for no other reason than it was simple and concise, and very deeply personal. I think that's what got me. Either way, nice scheiße.

~Shalom~