intro myself
 

bitches always loosin i leave em wit desire~for~luck, im battlin so when im old i can just retire~N~fuck, always battlin and never rest so im tired~N~stuff, but my wins against ya niggas always inspire~me~up/
i dont just make sum lines im writin scripchas, yall just know how to rhyme so the whole art ill teacha, my flows as big as da notorious one so theres no way dey wont reacha, my book of rhymes so murderous ders no way i wont beatcha/
im bringin da words from dem LA streetz, my flows like da bible u betta pray~onya~knees, u a scary lookin fucka so i hate~onya~creeps, yall stealin real rappers words im abusing~ya~cheats/

dats it...

Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
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Thanks Man.

Sorry dawg but I didnt like this too much, mainly because of the structure. It made the verse hard to read. But however there are signs of you elavatin if you sort out your structure and be a bit more creative. Read other open mics to learn the best ways of settin out your peice and then just practice. No hate, just my opinion. Keep practisin

aight, thanx man, first piece of constructive critisizm ive had all day..

needs brushing but it aint garbage i know ive seen much woarst then this write every peace as you would give it to the massess.

o, ya so far i havent seen anything dat has made me go "oh shit!" so far, hope i can soon tho.