Holla at cha Boi(My 1st drop on RB)
 

Replied 2:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94150

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94130

Mami no bullshyt holla at me!

(Verse 1)
The Story continues this time its chapter 2
keep ya eyez open mami cuz I'm after you
take me serious instead of a laughter boo
I kno my topics will keep ya entertained
spittin what I learned I'm mentor trained
my homies tellin me that you're gazing
you must feel that J's style is blazing
and you're whispering to your friend
will J and you make a perfect blend?
lets see and maybe try to be friends
Holla at me ma, don't try to pretend
I'm focusin on ya hips and my lines
and them lucious lips fo some signs
my romantic lines will make ya smile
you're feelin me and my unique style
roll wit me, go wit me, or we can take it slowly
I'm sometimes ahead of myself, lemme rewind
I apologize, I didn't mean to leave you behind
if we eva were together I'd never cheat
I'll never get smart wit chu I stay sweet
a gentleman is wat I'm supposed to be
I might be lunchin, buts thats really me
my purpose is to bring you joy
don't forget to holla at cha boi

(hook)--->got lazy on da hook!
roll wit me(x7)
Holla at cha boi
roll wit me(x3)
Holla at cha boi

(Verse 2)
you said, you've been searchin for that special brother
I've been searchin fo that misses, we found each other
once I get that key, I'm a put tha game to sleep
I rather have you bcuz tha street fame is cheap
you sice me in front of your friends and I like that
I've been pimpin since birth boo, I'll be right back
niggaz say you control me, but you give me wat I want
tha girl I'm with you call my gurlfriend, is really my aunt
you kno I call you crash bandicoot, you call me ya Little Bill
this gurl told me to express my feelings and tell ya how I feel
06 Bonnie & Clyde, everybody says we'll make a cute couple
better keep those eyez of yours on watch, cuz I stay in trouble
holla at me

(hook)

(Verse 3)
I'm glad cuz the leisure is on
and cuz tha pressure is gone
we have different conversations and sometimes we silent
if I front or do something wrong, you turn rough n violent
you look even prettier when your mad mami
I go crudy but still some way you stay by me
and sometimes Jonny wants to know why B?
in tha begining I was making bitch moves
if I stayed in tha same ol position I'd lose
and at tha same time these bammaz tried to holla
you dropped them and now I got this silver dolla
that Gangsta Luv from me, you'll soon receive it
you're intelligent, nice, young and sexy believe it
I'll support you, wateva your dream is achieve it
come to me, all these other bammaz plz leave it
all these muthafuckaz want it, but jonny needs it
and you knew Jonny was really conceited way back
my game was not once but twice defeated way back
Holla at me, exchange digits don't call me ya bus buddy
or you'll again witness tha side of Jonny thats real crudy
I was once sweet towards you, but now I'm just funny
when I ask for a dollar, you give me all of your money
but again I'll come to you as sweet as "Winnie's honey"
at first I was playn looney azz games like "bugs bunny"
come roll wit me, go wit me, or we can take it slowly
my purpose is to bring you joy
don't forget to holla at cha boi

sleep!

for ya first drop this was ok, the flow was knocked by the short lines, but if you expand the lines i think you got potential..but lose those kinda hooks..some ok vocab, but some just seemed like it was there to fill a gap...work on it....Pz.....

oh and can you hit this plz...

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=94951

thnx....Pz

thanx uppin

aiight attempt..........not bad for ya first time really.......try lengthenin ya bars tho.......n use some multi'z.....Then it'll be right as rain mate

ok thanx uppin

YOU NEED WORK BUT YOU ARE NOT GARBAGE ELIVATE YOU WILL GET GOOD AT THIS

ok uppin

If you want to start elevatin from any place possible. I would start with Vocab, rhyme scheme, and line length. You have rhyme, you aint got no problems in the area. But you gatta combine everything in one whole, to creat somthing people like. Good drop though hommie, i know you can elevate. So I will be checking your future flows. Keep it up hommie.

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion

iight thanx uppin

Fuck Dog, I've Seen Worse First Drops, This One Won't Half Bad. You Definately Need To Work On Flow And Line Extension. The Short Lines Hurt This Piece In A Major Way. Vocab Can Be Upped If You Feel You Need To, It's Not Really Important However, Because It's All About What You're Trying To Get Across And Your Content. Keep Droppin And Elevate, You Mos Def Got Potential.

-Formula.

thanx