homeless
 

Im the person you see sitting on the cornor
That person who had the job but was fired by the owner//
I had everythin i needed everything i dreamed
But i guess it was easly torn apart at the seem//
Now i wonder these streets lookin for food
Every once and i find people are decent and good//
Ive tried lots of things to git outa this slump
Sumtimes it got so bad i had to find food in the dump//

I had to do many drastic things to stay alive at times
I've had rotten food to eat and to drink was nothin but slime//
But yet ive commited many things and done many crimes not by my choosin
But only if they understood that i had to survive but this was
a fight i was losin//

Had a girl that ment alot and was i thought we was goin strong
But ya as you probably can tell we broke our bond//
That day made my whole life change
that was day that made every single thing seem strange//
I diddnt want to live life the full way
It was too hard with out her it turned into a dull day//

So now here i am....sittin on this corner explainin myself
And as i give you this warnin...dont do wat i did cause youll drain your health//

THIS WAS DIFFERENT YET SIMILAR GOOD BUT WEAK IN SOME PLACES TO BASIC YET NOT GARBAGE.....
NEEDS WORK SEAMS FORCED POP BUT IT AINT THAT BAD

You need to reply to three open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread.
If You don't, this gets deleted.
Follow The Rules, dude.

This was alright.....structure needs a little work but other than that its pretty good, But try making your lines the same length so it helps that out....Try adding some multies to help the flow out though, it was a little off at some points....But overall this was alright...keep at it.

had some nice points,
nice flow and shit like that
there is always room for improvement
8/10

flow was mainly on point although fell off in some parts

some of the lines seemed forced and not very thought out

try using multies to enhance the flow

vocabulary was weak

just my opinion...

Well it had a good message and all but vocabulary wasnt all dat. It didnt flow too well at some points. You should try multis they make it sound better

I didn't feel too much was bad about it except that ur flow kinda fell off at ceartain points and made it hard to read. You're lines fluctuated in length, keep em close together. Maybe its just me but I felt like when I read the part about ur girl it just came out of the blue. Other than that it was good. You're message was clear. You just gotta find a better way to word it.

The whole idea behind it is great people eat stuff like that up
Your flow was pretty good in places but as twisted said it fell off a little in places. Just read back over you stuff after each line an see what will sound good next. An the part about the girl i think did come a little out the blue. Try to blend it better

Mmmm. . I write an open mic only to see that the same topic is on the front page lol. .

Think your open mic out before you write it. . What you're going to do in it.. Cause most of it seems kinda random to me. . Also ditch the "//" at the end of your bars. . Don't restrict it to that format.. allow the rhyme scheme to "spillover" into the next line or two..

Man fuck all you herbs. none of the people with 100 + posts... This was straight hommie. But you gatta control your topic, aight. Pretty good flow, just work on ya structure, and vocab. You will elevate hommie, I know it. aight hommie.

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion