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"Untitled"
this is not finished yet . . but i still want feedback . . i want to know how i'm doing so far . . and it hasn't been titled yet so... . . if yall can . . try reading my piece and drop down ideas on what i should title it . . aright? it'll be appreciated . . get at me!
it seemed like we never saw through each other's eye/ the many lies i told you, still you never carried any dispise// the many times we argued about the stupidest littlest things/ behind your mood swings, were all of your deep teachings// just because i said i hate you at times, but it doesn't mean that i meant it/ committed to make me into somebody, but i never said i wanted to be the culprit// why don't you ever appreciate what i want to be? why can't you just let me be me? why do you see my future to be how you plan yours, sorry i can't agree// you're not trying to break my dreams, you're just trying to do what's best/ all for your suggestion and i understand, but i have to go with what my chest saids// |
I like the subject here. The flow was good mild deepness. Its really short so its kinda hard to think of a title yet but maybe something like DIFFERENT OPINIONS or LET ME BE ME or something like that. I don't really know anything to improve yet just make it longer and I'll give some feedback on that.
Check your PM's. |
reply to three open mics and drop links to your replies or this thread will be deleted.
thanks. |
sorry dude . . i keep forgetting to do that . . here they are:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=93181 http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=92605 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94006 |
not to bad... but maybe a few more lines that rhyme on each cause it's kinda choppy, good stuff though, deep.... Returning the favor thanks for hollain' on mine Peace Keep Ya Head Up
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Yeah this alright i thought...your structure could use a bit of work though, try to keep the lines around the same length cause some of your lines were kinda stretched out there, so try to shorten them down a bit...your flow was alright, could have been better though...but just keep elevating..and keep at it.
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ay thanks fellaz . . but ay like i said . . i'm going to add more to it . . i just haven't got the time too . . but when i AM finished wit it . . i'll PM yall and ask yall to give back the feedback needed . . would that be cool wit yall? get at me!
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yo yo yo...sup' klinik???
Not a bad lil drop son. Like you said its not finished yet so i wont really critiqe it yet. But of what I read of your peice so far its pretty good son. A name for this drop I was thinkin like " The Lonelyness Of Love" or somethin.......idk, just an idea, lol. Be easy son...pcz o' and fuckin get at me son...FUK!!! lol 1 |
LMAO cozz! lol . . ay thanks bruh . . ayo! i'll PM you when this peice is finished aright? just never got the chance to add anything yet . . get at me! i'm outtie!
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good rhyme scheme and topic
finish it and post it, look forward to it using "stupidest" was genius, lol ......................................... |
ay good lookin out bruh . . no worries . . i'ma get done wit this . . i was thinkin about addin a hook or chorus to it . . but who knows . . we'll see what happens... get at me . . i'm outtie!
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