sparking
 

HOOK:the boy is sparking....the boy is saprking...the boy is sparking...and only 13 years old....

ppl said ill neva make it cuz im 2 yung......
but 4 get dat im nice and vicuis and da yungone.....
whoeva want it can get it....cus imma keep my rhymes constiant....i do alot of rapping but im sparking on da listing....on the top 5 scale tryin 2 move up a 4 more notches....to get #1 and blow in 3 10 seconds jus like rocket...whereever i go im marking...5 years old when i stated...if u didnt kno da boy is sparking.....

HOOK:the boy is sparking....the boy is saprking...the boy is sparking...and only 13 years old....


sit back and watch me a spark a like or 2....
it wont hurt u at all when im on da charts in front of u......
sparking like da fire on a lighter.....
sparking like a web jus created by a spider......
sparking like da lakers doin in da nba.....
sparking like da bulls when they had MJ........
if u wanna spark like me ill spark right out yo nikes.......
spark betta then me 0% dat u might........


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92085
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...1086#post941086
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...1088#post941088

aiight

your hook
well, its very creative
instead of the boy is saprking 3 times, why not only have it one
e,g
the boy is sparking
another different line
'either the boy is sparking or another different line'
and only thirteen years old

first verse
most of it didnt even ryhme, and your wordplay was pretty simple, you need to expand your vocab.

Second verse
well at leat it ryhmed, and till the wordplay was simple, but the way to start is by ryhming the simple words.

Structure
first verse- i wouldnt even call that a structure, i was a mess, all over the place, the sylables were alright in each line knida thing.

second verse- the strcture was good, you kept it constant, an the sylables were kinda even as well,

Overall
not a very good piece i'd say like 4/10
but if your only 13 its aint that bad.

Things to improve
1-structure, try to keep lines equal length. and try and put a bit more into your lines.

2-try and improve on your wordplay and vocabulary, "get it and constant[I]" dont ryhme. expand your vocabulary instead of using words like "[I]im nice and vicious like the yungone
say sum fin like-
im nice at times, unlike night, where im vicous at others,
im the youngone, scare children so much they hide in they covers
i know that was wack but jsut sum fin like tah.


3-pratice in the cyptha section, if you wanna battle go into 'diss the person above you' if not 'glorify yourself'

and plz take a visit to the wackness emegency centre and read the tutorials.


no hate

aiight

peace