floetry/spoken word/knowledge
 

from da smallest cell in my brain is a mad man who's insane
a demonic creature he is, telling me to sprint in front of trains
grand prize if i stay alive is a sack of weed laced with methane
this voice is controlling me like i'm shackled in chains


not knowing whether to live or die i struggle day to day just to survive
never managing to move up da ladder cause i'm constantly getting high

rumors and lies has justified to da public that this kid has lost it
had a chance to be somebody but like a fool he tossed it
made a little money hustling but like a fool he flossed it
countdown to da ending with da miss of a last shot he cost it

rhetorical thoughts i saught, books by prophets and new teachings i bought, shattered mirrors now bad luck for seven years i caught, for almost 500 years a fight for freedom my people have fought, everyday for 19 years does god really exist in da back of my mind is da question i always thought ~1~




i don't really write poetry this is just something i keyed up i hope y'all like this shit kna mean holla

oh and by da way i did not pre-write any of this just something that was on my mind

if this shit gets slept on i'mma be 38 to da core

This was a decent drop... the thing that threw me off was "da" but that's you and how you chose to type things so yea. I was reminded of how I used to write when I was younger... changing around the sentence structure to get the word that I want at the end of the it. And things like that change the effectiveness of the peice over all. Because the mind will change it back (or at least mine does). I'd say overall work on structure, content, and vocabulary. The overall point and the thought of it were on target... jus writing aspects.... peace

remind you mami that i did not write this down or anything just something that hit so i started keying kna mean maybe i should write poetry and shit cause that's one of my likings kna mean

Poetry is not just 'pre-written' stuff. Not at all. A keystyle can quite easily be poetry. And rap and all these open mics are in a sense, poetry. Though we got to differentiate a bit on here..

This was good. I liked how you mixed your 'knoiwledge' of certain things with your everyday 'vocab' as such.

You did seem to rummage through some of the deep and dark regoins of yourself. And you came out with some revealing things. Along with some quite interesting stuff in general. Fanning the smoke of certain philosophical (and what not) issues.

Nice, man.

...resp....

good lookin out thunny kna mean let's get some more feedback holla