![]() |
breakin...............
replyed to
1-infinate skillz-rememberin us 2-JoJo-we all human 3-JoJo-insomniac i wrote my verse about a break up i had not so long ago. white lightning- verses 1 and 2 double-0 seven chorus- in italics What The Fuck Am I, Supposed To Do This Girl Just Ain't The One I Got To Knew Everytime I Gettin My Gitty Hopes Up She Smashes 'Em Like A Fragile China Cup She Was My Boo, The One To Never Let Me Down It Was Gunna Work Travelin From Town To Town A Positive Influence, Turn a Thug Into An Angel A Different Viewpoint, A Fresh New Angle Things Seemed Rock Hard, Not a Single Flaw Than One Day She Grabed A Verbal Chainsaw Cut Down Who I Was, Squashed Me Into Da Ground This Wasn't Something, I So Proudly Found This Woman Said We Could See Any Problem Through I Listened, She Made Me Look Like A Silly Fool She Preached How I Needed To Respect Ya Gimme One Reason I Don't Swing 'n' Back Ya i wrote this for a girl, to show my expressions, upon me shes printed an everlasting impression, she was the one with which i shared my passion, this is the end now, nothin, no more questions, I Gave You My Heart And You Tore It Out This Was The First Time I Had A Little Doubt Why Do I Continue To Put My Trust In a Female The Just Bend You Over, It's Like Bubba In Jail When We Started It Seemed We Needed No Such Label Flipped A Coin And It Started The Similar Fabel Where The Fuck Did My Judgement Go So Sour It's Like I Seen More Class When, Payin' By The Hour I Was Prepared To Sacrifice Anything For You There Was Nothing I Wouldn't Do You Seemed To Understand Everything About Me It Wasn't A Fog, It Was Clear For You To See I Gave The Real Person That Was Clealy Inside I Made Every Effort To Constantly Confide Your Parents Seemed To Raise Ya Good And Propa But Somewhere The Musta Dropped Ya i wrote this for a girl, to show my expressions, upon me shes printed an everlasting impression, she was the one with which i shared my passion, this is the end now, nothin, no more questions, i remember, the relationship started on a strong basis, but the aruments started, no reason, just talkin shit, remeber the love we shared, when it was just basic but back then it was strong, like concrete and bricks, after all the time we've spent, its got more complex, the cracks started to forms, and rats began in infest, ur friends, in lies they manifest, but only caused stress, i know its a mess, at present my love is what you posess, your the reason, i used to walk round, smile on face, whatever the season, even the winter i would brace, just to see you, your eyes, and smell your perfume, i could feel envy. when eyes followed your out the room, you was my guidning light, at the end of a dark place, i never thought we would fight, stand face to face, like natural feelings exist in the world of a mother, i felt 'farther' that this, for one i used to call lover. i wrote this for a girl, to show my expressions, upon me shes printed an everlasting impression, she was the one with which i shared my passion, this is the end now, nothin else, no more questions, |
This was dope, I wanna be best open mic head at D.O.I but judgin by this I've got tough competition.
White your verses were flowin brilliantly and your vocab was up to par eventho your like me and concentrate on tellin a story rather than vocab. Good drops double-0 seven your verse was similar to White's.....very creative and heartfelt with flow and vocab. well done. The chorus was short and sweet....could have been a couple lines longer tho Overall dope collab 8.5/10 |
This was a great creative piece, you showed talent in this for real, had some great lines and amazing wordplay your flow was on point in this great, very well writ keep it up man...
can ye hit up my battle in my sig wit an honest vote...it is being slept on thanks man...peace |
thanks for the feedback peeps, drop y'all links an i'll review your piece
|
This was a nice read, ..good vocab and a steady flow, ..with an ok concept, ..structure was good, ..and the end result was a nice read = )
|
dis was a nice piece good vocab and a nice flow even tho I did read sum it b4 ya'll posted on open mic
9/10 |
anybody else wanna comment on this shit
drop ya links to 'open mic', or 'poetry' pieces |
anybody else
|
uppin
|
This was tight man, you are a very talented artist. Sorry for your loss everyone has heart ache ya herd just keep thinkin about tommorrow yesterday's gone. You got good skills. This piece looks like it took you some real time and real effort. You are a blessing to open mic. p.s. I saw ur pic in the other furum ur a cutie. anyways pz and luv.
|
uppin for responses
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:26 AM. |