My life, Myself
 

The *hotness* I spit makes me a legend
Not to brag but my talent is endless
Knowing I'm not the best makes my path relentless
People cant even *hear* what I say-like my voice was *breathless*

I got *MAD* inspiration-in and out
Take you through my life and show you what I'm *angry* about

Ever since first grade I've been getting expelled
When I stood up for my rights-evil sent me to jail
When my life is over-devil will guide me to hell
Even when my soul burns people will read my words-no way my rhymes could fail

This thing inside my soul-pain and rage
only thing keepin me sane is writing this page
anger-like a demon crazed and deranged locked in a cage

In L.A. I spent my time fighting
I beat kids so bad-had them talkin backwards like a tape deck rewinding
Started listenin to rap and heard tupac was dying
Now I understand why so many were crying
From him I learn to speak the truth and keep striving

I'm sick of goin to school for no reason
Writing and doin worthless tasks from season to season
A pointless ghost and no one sees him
Probation and detention makes it seem like i commited treason

back to the story
In the 14th summer of my life I met a shorty
I know this might sound a bit corny
But after meeting this gril I fell in love shortly
No longer did I look for happiness in a fourty
Just loved this woman and held her closely
Love, happiness, joy is now what I desire mostly


dats a poem about myself, i would post more stuff but its personal. just wrote it today in school. i had alot of time to think and just started wrting. every single line has a bit deeper meaning than might seem just chek.pz

nuttin? no critizism? im always lookin to improve

cmon niggas, i know yall gotta have sumtin for me?

im mad..peeps slept on this..this is a good piece..if ya read it twice u can get more into it like he said..each line got more meanin than it seems...structure is off...u digressed a bit and it wasnt much emotion...but its not a bad piece..i suggest sum1 take sum extra time thats why im uppin this piece..give the kid sum advice..

while reading your poetry I felt like you were talking directly to me. I could hear your "voice", and it was beautiful. I would say to keep writing, to express yourself.

i don't even know what to say about this one but it was alright though

this one seemed like you personally had a long long time to think about your life and when it started to rhym you wanted someone else to see it. T see what oher people could make out of your life through your words, your thoughts and feelings. i stand wit bellapoetsaid........ its like I can hear your VOICE and its beautiful because your telling us about your life.... thats a great peice

that bragging stuff is not really poetic, don't do it. anyway, ur imagry was good, stories were good (althugh u choped em up with that bragging garbage) but u still got work in other areas. i suggest u really think about things like metaphores and similies and keep in mind im not talking about the ones u use in raps. over all, this is kinda like a rap more than a poem cuz all the punchlines u tried to use, which is not really poetry. u gotta try to use really deep thought, make people think while reading ur stuff (the metaphores will help u with that), flow was kinda off too. keep working at it though, u will get better.

drop some feed on my piece please?
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107544