|
Farse
Farse comen ta kill ya and when I'm done I"ll bill ya/ lesten to my flow cuz even BO nos who I be/ farse comen 123/ so be ready when the hit comes/ cuz it don't take to long for my niggaz to get done/ and we do this shit all in fun/ and your girl looken at me and u gettin mad// back up bitch cuz shes done been had/ and all thease bitch ass niggaz think I'm a fad/ well fuck you cuz farse is comen in mad/ with skill yall niggaz bout to get killed/ so don't even try to deal this boy comen in for the steal/ shit I'm taken your meal/ so here farse come for the finally line/ all ya niggaz can kiss my ass cuz ya'lls bitches r mine.:thefinger
just somthin real short that I thought would go in good for my first open mic http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96093 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95933 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95975 |
Ok...your structure needs some work, you shouldnt put it in paragraph form, put it line on top of line, and try to make the lines around the same length so its structured pretty well...you should add some more multies in this to help the flow out though....but overall this was ok...keep at it.
|
Quote:
^this is very important^ esp. when u wanna give us a real good sense of ur flow, otherwise we may not hear it or rap it tha same way u would n it may sound wrong to us but completely fine to u... tha vocab needs some work, u had some real simple words n some real simple rhymes, jus keep at it... elevation is tha key... |
This sounds like a quick drop with little thought or brain input. No I have to reiterate the same thing that the uppin said do not put it into paragraph form. pz and luv.
|
I wud also say put it in lines, easier and better to read... jsu what i think. Other than that it was a decent rhyme.
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:27 AM. |